I wonder what those parents said to that little girl once they got away from Grandma? “Honey, we’re sorry Grandma bitched at you for an entire hour while we did nothing. We’re hoping she dies soon and leaves us all her money.” “Sweetheart, Grandma was wrong, you were perfectly well behaved in there, and daddy and I are so proud of you! It’s just that we have to put up with Grandma’s crap because she gives us money every month to help us out.” Worse, they probably said nothing at all, leaving her to believe that Grandma must be right.
I’ve got some harsh truths for you here, and you can agree or disagree – but I believe in putting the child first. A child should never be put in a position of maintaining family harmony. A child should never be used as a bribe with extended relatives. A parent does have the right to tell an obnoxious family member to curtail their foul or racist language. A parent does have the right to tell Uncle Johnny that the little girls in dresses are not to sit on his lap. An Uncle or a cousin (especially a grown up) that holds your kid down and gives them a “Noogey” or a “pink belly” or tickles them until they nearly pee their pants deserves to be called out and told no. In family situations where one set of grandkids is clearly favored, a discussion is perfectly acceptable. You do have the right to protect your babies from harm, both physical and emotional – not only the right, but the duty.