How to handle a toxic parent?
It’s rather difficult to get rid of a toxic atmosphere — even for adults! Nevertheless, specialists have come up with some tips that can help us protect our personal boundaries and save a relationship. First, we have to realize the following facts:
- We can’t change the past.
- A toxic relationship is like a chronic disease — it’s almost impossible to cure it so you have to try to avoid any complication.
Recommendations are based on the understanding that each person has their own rights and needs that they shouldn’t be ashamed of. You have the right to:
- Live in your own house and have your own rules.
- Take no part in resolving issues of other relatives.
- Limit access to your territory.
- Gain your own experience and ignore your parents when they say “I know better.”
- Manage your resources: money, time, and effort.
- Choose your personal interests over those of your parents.
We have to remember: these rules are relevant for both “parties.” Children shouldn’t cut their parents out of their lives and take their help for granted.
What was it like for you when you were growing up? Share your experiences with us in the comments!
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Continue reading “10 Traits of Toxic Parents Who Ruin Their Children’s Lives Without Realizing It”
It’s called the Golden Rule, only it’s not quite what you have heard before. No, this Golden Rule says, “The one with the gold rules.”
It shouldn’t surprise us that narcissists want to control as many assets as possible. They want to control the money, the friendships, the time, the opportunities, and anything else that could encourage or strengthen their victims.
Over the years I have met a few people who have been so abused, so dominated, that they were afraid to try to stand on their own. They seemed to need someone to take care of them. They had gone so long without making decisions that they wanted someone to tell them what to do. There is often a vacant, waiting look in their eyes, much like the good dog waiting for the master’s notice. It’s sad.
Sometimes these people have been trained to do this. They were stripped of their confidence, self-esteem, and enthusiasm and taught to wait patiently until the narcissist decides to notice. Then they were supposed to be joyful that they got anything from their abuser. The narcissist holds the power and provisions. Gifts of attention and kindness are doled out with control and cruelty.
Continue reading “Independence”
Here are some questions to ask yourself about your parents’ behavior. If this conduct is chronic and persistent, it can be toxic to your self-esteem.
- Do they tend to overreact or create a scene?
- Do they use emotional blackmail?
- Do they make frequent or unreasonable demands?
- Do they try to control you? (“My way or the highway”?)
- Do they criticize or compare you?
- Do they listen to you with interest?
- Do they manipulate, use guilt, or play the victim?
- Do they blame or attack you?
- Do they take responsibility and apologize?
- Do they respect your physical and emotional boundaries?
- Do they disregard your feelings and needs?
- Do they envy or compete with you?
Continue reading “Parent Is Toxic | Psychology Today”
Toxic relationships include relationships with toxic parents. Typically, they do not treat their children with respect as individuals. They won’t compromise, take responsibility for their behavior, or apologize. Often these parents have a mental disorder or a serious addiction. We all live with the consequences of poor parenting. However, if our childhood was traumatic, we carry wounds from abusive or dysfunctional parenting. When they haven’t healed, toxic parents can re-injure us in ways that make growth and recovery difficult. When we grow up with dysfunctional parenting, we may not recognize it as such. It feels familiar and normal. We may be in denial and not realize that we’ve been abused emotionally, particularly if our material needs were met.
Continue reading “12 Clues a Relationship with a Parent Is Toxic | Psychology Today”
I wonder what those parents said to that little girl once they got away from Grandma? “Honey, we’re sorry Grandma bitched at you for an entire hour while we did nothing. We’re hoping she dies soon and leaves us all her money.” “Sweetheart, Grandma was wrong, you were perfectly well behaved in there, and daddy and I are so proud of you! It’s just that we have to put up with Grandma’s crap because she gives us money every month to help us out.” Worse, they probably said nothing at all, leaving her to believe that Grandma must be right.
I’ve got some harsh truths for you here, and you can agree or disagree – but I believe in putting the child first. A child should never be put in a position of maintaining family harmony. A child should never be used as a bribe with extended relatives. A parent does have the right to tell an obnoxious family member to curtail their foul or racist language. A parent does have the right to tell Uncle Johnny that the little girls in dresses are not to sit on his lap. An Uncle or a cousin (especially a grown up) that holds your kid down and gives them a “Noogey” or a “pink belly” or tickles them until they nearly pee their pants deserves to be called out and told no. In family situations where one set of grandkids is clearly favored, a discussion is perfectly acceptable. You do have the right to protect your babies from harm, both physical and emotional – not only the right, but the duty.
Continue reading “Protecting Your Child From Toxic People”