If you read the article entitled, “Stop Explaining to The Narcissist,” then you know that the truth is, they’re not misunderstanding you at all. They know you didn’t say or do the things they’re accusing you of. They’re accusing you because either
a. They are trying to take heat off of themselves for something by switching the focus to you, and/or
b. Because these things can occur together and often do, they believe that while you may not have actually said or done those things, your motive is actually bad. Your feelings for them are bad, which therefore makes everything you do and say bad, regardless of whether it actually is or not.
The narcissist may accuse you of calling them names when you didn’t, of insulting them when you didn’t, of using derogatory phrases or mannerisms that you did not use… the list is really endless. When you really press them on why they are saying these things, it always come down to the same thing: they know you actually didn’t but are sure you want to, or would if you could. They are assigning motivations and feelings to you and your actions that do not exist anywhere except inside their own head. As was discussed at length in the previous article, this happens because those are their own feelings about themselves. They are unable to endure these feelings and so they project them on to other people.