Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Truth – Here  Are Some Ideas That Might Help

  • If you have told a lie and just reading this makes one pop into your head, then it’s time to fess up. Even if the lie is very old, tell the truth and apologize fully. Go beyond that and make it right. If the truth will deeply wound another person, then speak with a counselor or other helping professional about whether or not it’s best to come clean. If not, then express your remorse and the truth to your counselor.
  • If you are living a lie by pretending to be someone or something that you are not, then it is past time to fully acknowledge and embrace who you really are. If you don’t know who you are, then start finding out. Begin to ask yourself questions about what you do and don’t like about your life, what feels authentic and what feels false, what makes you happy and energized and what depletes you. Rarely does sustained happiness come from a life chasing materialism and ego satisfaction.
  • If you are repressing something, it’s time to let it come to the surface and deal with it. We repress things because we are frightened, but repressed feelings will bubble up in the form of illness, anxiety, and depression. Find a counselor or trusted friend with whom you feel safe to discuss long buried feelings or secrets. Shine the light of truth on them so you can heal and thrive.
  • If you are cheating or taking advantage of people or yourself by withholding the truth, telling the partial truth, or glossing over the truth, that can be just as harmful as telling an outright lie. It’s sneaky and underhanded and will erode your self-respect. Examine where you might be telling half-truths to yourself or others. Open all of the doors and windows of your integrity so the cool breeze of truth can flow through easily.
  • Know when to lie. There are some circumstances in life that require us to withhold the truth or even tell a lie. This might be to protect a child or another loved one from harm or hurt. Or it might be create a surprise or special moment for someone. Examine your intentions with these “white lies” to ensure the outcome truly merits the deceit. Put yourself in the other person’s position and ask yourself if you would want or need the truth in the situation. Rarely does deceiving yourself serve any positive purpose. The truth will emerge in spite of your best attempts to quell it
Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The flood of relief with the truth will wash away so much of the pain.

Sadly, children are only imitating what they see many adults doing either overtly or covertly. Lies, lies, everywhere are lies. The truth gets lost behind our fears, ego, and pride.

Today I heard an interview that Oprah did many years ago with Ellen DeGeneres. It was right after Ellen came out as a lesbian. She was discussing the years when she was afraid to admit to herself and others that she was gay — and her extreme pain in living a false life. I’ve heard many gay people tell this same story, especially years ago when being gay was much less accepted.

Being honest about who you are can be a terrifying prospect, especially when you might face rejection, shaming, or even threats to your livelihood or safety. But living a lie can become even more terrifying.

At some point you realize you can no longer bear the shackles of a secret. At some point, you accept that only the truth can set you free, regardless of the consequences.

If you are holding on to a secret . . .

If you are living a lie . . .

If you are stepping outside of your integrity . . .

If you are repressing a reality . . .

If you are turning your head or burying it in the sand . . .

If you are pretending to be something you are not . . .

If you are glossing over the facts . . .

I encourage you to step out into the sunshine of the truth, and let the truth set you free.

Yes, it may mean you are embarrassed.

It may mean you feel some shame.

It may mean you are rejected by some.

It may mean you have to make a change.

It may mean you are punished.

But . . . the flood of relief with the truth will wash away so much of the pain.

And quite often, the truth is not as scary or awful as you perceived it to be. Quite often, the truth leads you to something better, so much better, than you are experiencing right now.

So how does one go about embracing the truth if you’ve lived weeks, months, or years of lies or secrets?

When you’ve become ingrained in your lie, sustained by your secret, or fooled by your false self, how do you even recognize the truth and begin to invite it into your life?

Much depends on the depth and breadth of your secret.

It takes much more work to address and heal a deeply-held, long time falsehood than it does to admit cheating on a test or taking the last cookie. But every slate of un-truth, even the small ones, should be wiped clean so you can live in freedom and peaceful contentment.

Continue reading “The flood of relief with the truth will wash away so much of the pain.”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Truth Will Set You Free

Are you holding something inside that you are afraid to admit to others — or maybe even acknowledge fully to yourself?

A secret, a hidden or repressed truth, is like a parasitic worm eating you up from the inside out. Eventually the truth wins — but at what cost?

Guilt, shame, and pretense almost always manifest in physical illness, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or some other painful expression of repression or lying.

You don’t have to have committed a heinous crime to experience the pain of a secret life. (Although I’ve often wondered why guilty murderers keep proclaiming their innocence when they’ve been sentenced. Holding that secret must be tormenting.)

Just compromising our integrity or living an inauthentic life is enough to chafe at one’s soul. We frantically seek relief from the emptiness and heartache of a “secret” self by any means possible — drinking, over-spending, over-working, etc.

Pretending to be someone you’re not, living a lie, telling lies, or withholding a portion of

the truth, will surely prevent you from living a full and happy life — but only always.

Why is it so hard to be honest with ourselves and others, even though we know the importance of the truth? Most of us were raised on lessons of truth, and yet we learn quickly that lying seems more convenient or expedient. And we keep lying until our noses grow longer than the lie itself.

Small children are great barometers of the truth and can smell adult lies a mile away.

Continue reading “The Truth Will Set You Free”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Living a Lie | Psychology Today

Fooling yourself can have devastating consequences, especially in the domains of money, career, sexual identity and relationships. Meet four people who fought their way to an authentic life.

Continue reading “Living a Lie | Psychology Today”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A life built on lies is no life at all

A life built on lies is no life at all

Lying doesn’t only damage the person you are lying to, it also creates a lot of conflict in your life.

According to Duke psychologist Dan Ariely:

“The dangerous thing about lying is people don’t understand how the act changes us.

“We as a society need to understand that when we don’t punish lying, we increase the probability it will happen again.”

Perhaps it’s impossible to live a life without lies. But there isn’t any harm in trying to live it with integrity.

Continue reading “A life built on lies is no life at all”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Why do people lie?

To make others look bad

Did you ever tell a lie about a sibling to get them in trouble to take the heat off yourself? Grownups do that too.

These grownups, however, know better, yet still, try to get ahead by getting someone else in trouble.

Lying is a convenient way to turn the tables on your colleague with whom you are battling for the coveted promotion.

You might manipulate your way to the top by saying bad things about other people, making inferences that others may take to heart, or create scenarios where people can read between the lines.

For example, some people make up their own stories about what they think happened with Jan and Rob in accounting and they’ll do your dirty work for you.

Continue reading “Why do people lie?”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Why do people lie? motives for deception

“It’s tied in with self-esteem. We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

We’ve put together a list of twelve reasons why people lie; perhaps this will help you understand your own motives for when you have a slip of the tongue too.

“Lying can bail us out of awkward situations. Spare the feelings of others. Preserve or strengthen alliances. Enhance social standing. Keep us out of trouble. Even save our lives.

“Which brings us to the evolutionary biology of cognition because lying is, in fact, a valuable tool in the survival kit of any social species.”

That doesn’t make it okay, though.

Lying is convenient for the most part, as long as you don’t have to recount your story again later.

People tend to lie because they are trying to avoid punishment, either from parents, friends, coworkers, loved ones, or their boss.

Continue reading “Why do people lie? motives for deception”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Understanding the motivations of pathological liars.

Pathological lying isn’t a clinical diagnosis, though it can sometimes be a symptom of other issues, such as a personality disorder or a manic episode. But some people get so accustomed to lying that they do so even when there is no clear purpose, and when their lies are easily disproven, leaving everyone scratching their heads over the point of their deceptions.

Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of these people — so-called pathological or compulsive liars — and gained some insight into the way they think. Believe it or not, their lying makes some sense, when you look at it through their eyes.

Continue reading “Understanding the motivations of pathological liars.”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

6 Reasons People Lie When They Don’t Need To | Psychology Today

Pathological lying isn’t a clinical diagnosis, though it can sometimes be a symptom of other issues, such as a personality disorder or a manic episode. But some people get so accustomed to lying that they do so even when there is no clear purpose, and when their lies are easily disproven, leaving everyone scratching their heads over the point of their deceptions.

Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of these people — so-called pathological or compulsive liars — and gained some insight into the way they think. Believe it or not, their lying makes some sense, when you look at it through their eyes.

Continue reading “6 Reasons People Lie When They Don’t Need To | Psychology Today”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?

Don’t. The thing about people who do things constantly is that they don’t change. If someone lies to you all the time, odds are they’re going to keep lying to you. Personality psychology has taught us that, although people mature, their main personalities stay fairly consistent throughout their life. Unless someone has undergone a serious, life-altering event, it’s safe to assume they haven’t changed. If they constantly lie, just take everything they say with a grain of salt.

Continue reading “How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?”