When you rush someone to forgive, when they’re not ready or don’t want to, you minimise their feelings and violate their right to autonomy, yet again. It prolongs their trauma, to resolve their feelings, they need to process them instead of dismissing them. In this context, the concept of forgiveness is a tool to make men’s life easier at the expense of women’s healing. So often forgiveness feels like a tool used by men to control when women should “get over” what they’ve done to hurt them and negate their feelings.
When the wrongdoer treats their victim like their feelings don’t matter, that their redemption is more important, their “sorry” is just a manipulation. They can’t accept what they’ve done is wrong and they don’t want to take accountability, they just want everyone to “forgive and forget”. Anyone that acts like they deserve forgiveness and demands it, isn’t sincerely sorry.
My issue is that when people demand victims forgive, it often feels like more importance is placed on “recovering” the male perpetrator’s former lives, than the recovery of the victims lives. It’s seen as more essential that the perpetrator gets redemption than the victim heals and gets justice.