Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How to Fix Emotional Detachment

HOW INCONGRUENCE DEVELOPS:

  • A trauma occurs. A child hears his parents fighting. The child, when in the midst of it, seems to be physically sick, and this distracts the parents from their fighting and thus decreases the fighting.

  • We assign meaning to it. The child, as always, relates everything back to him or herself. They think, “If there is yelling, if I become ill, the yelling will stop.”

  • We structure habits and actions around that belief. The person continues to use being ill as an adaptive response to calm the parent’s hostility. Any emotional pain and discomfort is thus learned to be responded to when in the midst of only physical pain.

  • We see patterns in our lives that reflect that belief. We react repeatedly in a way that demonstrates our belief. We notice it affects our relationships, and that further cements the belief in our lives. New connections are found with caring physicians, maybe specialists who have concern for the medical issues, which further reinforces illness being a way to both calm disagreements and get connection needs met.

  • We have to either live with it, or deal with it. Until we revisit that moment and that decision, we cannot sift through that core belief. There is incredible hope for people with incongruence.

The response to a healthy therapeutic relationship and subsequent changes in behavior can be astounding. To deal with it, it is necessary to both find new ways of connecting with others but also not be able to use the incongruent way of being for an adaptive means.

https://psychiatrypodcast.com/psychiatry-psychotherapy-podcast/dealing-with-emotional-detachment

Author:

Currently studying Psychotherapy , Cognitive psychology, Biological psychology, Counselling psychology and CBT. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity! ≧◔◡◔≦

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