The first thing to note is that what you’re doing right now are not the actions of a pathological narcissist.
Victims of abuse when awakening from the fog, pursue information and seek to raise their understanding of what has happened to them in order to heal.
It is a proactive step taken to address the very real harm they have experienced, to heal and to rebuild their lives.
And it is no lackadaisical, half-hearted thing, is it gorgeous one?
It can in fact become all-consuming for a time.
Why do you think that might be?
It is such a deep-seated need because of the magnitude of the suffering you have borne. Because of the trauma. It is sense-making in action.
You will not find a NPD’d individual on this same journey.