Narcissists are accustomed to loss. Their obnoxious personality and intolerable behaviours makes them lose friends and spouses, mates and colleagues, jobs and family. Their peripatetic nature, their constant mobility and instability causes them to lose everything else: their place of residence, their property, their businesses, their country, and their language.
There is always a locus of loss in the narcissist’s life. He may be faithful to his wife and a model family man – but then he is likely to change jobs frequently and renege on his financial and social obligations. Or, he may be a brilliant achiever – scientist, doctor, CEO, actor, pastor, politician, journalist – with a steady, long term and successful career – but a lousy homemaker, thrice divorced, unfaithful, unstable, always on the lookout for better narcissistic supply. Continue reading “The Losses of the Narcissist”
The aging narcissist is a sad human being. They have lost it all. Their looks, their charm, and their strong bodies they used to flaunt. It’s all gone. They are facing the inevitable death. They are not the everlasting gods they thought they were.
Research shows that narcissists are known to lose popularity over time so it’s all inevitable. They will lose friends and they will fall from grace quickly.
The fallen narcissist is bound to feel deep shame. There is a huge gap now between their ideal imagined life and the real life. They can’t stand living like this. They can’t handle being ordinary just like everyone else. They are not special like they thought they were. The aftermath is that they become very depressed when they can’t secure narcissistic supply anymore. This depression can be severe it will affect every part of their life. It will make it hard to sleep, hard to eat and even hard to physically move. They might even become suicidal at one point.
The narcissist knows he can lose everything at any moment. He knows his disordered personality is bound to push people away. He can lose his marriage by cheating on his wife. He can lose his house or properties by being irresponsible when it comes to money. He can lose everything in a divorce. He can lose power and control that he thrives for. In the back of his mind, the narcissist knows everything is temporary and as fragile as his masks. Instead of trying to build a healthy lifestyle, the narcissist hops from one relationship to another. He moves from one house to another without feeling the need to be attached. He changes jobs due to boredom or being fired. Narcissists don’t have the capacity to settle down and live with their family for the rest of their lives. This lack of attachment stems from their lack of empathy. They don’t have the emotional capacity for it.
This nomad lifestyle can mean they can lose everything and start from zero again and again. That’s why they keep hoarding narcissistic supply to stay afloat during their journey in life. They expect their bubble to burst any time. This can lead to great stress, depression and even suicidal behavior. A narcissist losing his supply is like a drug addict losing his source. He will do anything to get his fix and stop the inner turmoil. Continue reading “When a Narcissist Loses Everything”
Why it Doesn’t Work
Narcissists look at things differently than the rest of us do. They are guided by emotion. Not logic, not reason and not intelligence. Emotion. This often causes their perception of things to be very, very different from other people’s. They view everything through the lens of feeling, and their feelings are generally negative, out of control and even frightening to them. This causes their perceptions and experiences to be negative and frightening to them as well. They believe feelings are facts. That’s not just a saying or a metaphor. They actually believe their feelings are facts. If they feel it, it must be true – regardless of whether it makes any sense or if they have proof or anything else.
Most people realize that feelings are not reliable. They sometimes make no sense, they’re sometimes irrational and they are certainly not facts. Most of us realize that high emotion can alter perception and that events viewed through the lens of emotion are often not viewed correctly.
Continue reading “Stop Explaining to the Narcissist!”
THEY REGARD PEOPLE AS TOOLS.
Narcissists are not capable of genuinely caring for other people but only for themselves. They might be able to “fall in love” in a dizzying and exciting way at the beginning of the relationship but it won’t have the depth and dynamism that long-lasting unions need to last.
- Narcissists take advantage of people’s feelings and resources like tools to use until they no longer need these people in their lives.
- You will feel emotionally and mentally spent when you’re with a narcissist because they will encroach on your personal space and drain your energy.
- Since they’re not capable of a give-and-take relationship, the concept of compromising is non-existent to a narcissist.
- If you’re in a relationship with this kind of person, you will always be the one trying to adjust to what he wants because he will not give in – even the slightest – to what you want.
- When a narcissist gives you something, be aware that it is not meant to please you. In fact, you should be wary when a narcissist is being nice and giving. This action is likely for their own gain.
Narcissists are neither kind nor generous if there is nothing in it for them. They only invest in you if they are positive they can get something from you. This is a classic user mentality. Continue reading “REASONS A NARCISSIST CAN’T STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP”
Severe narcissism is one of the most complex and confusing psychological phenomena, and its complexity explains why so much is written about it, and why there remains a need to continue educating the public about it. The focus of this article will be to address one facet of the disorder that remains so mysterious. Specifically, people who are in close proximity to severe narcissists often can’t understand why the narcissist in their life can: be so mean; get so jealous of their success or happiness; and be so competitive with them, even when we’re talking about two romantic partners.
One word that will help you understand the narcissist Continue reading “What Makes Some Narcissists Mean, Competitive, and Jealous”
A collapsing or compensating narcissist is a narcissist that is unable, for whatever reason, to get or have something they want, so they become unhinged because of it. People who are familiar with the horrors of living with a narcissist every day will understand this phenomenon very well. The terminology may be rather new, but the behavior easily recognizable.
Narcissists Construct Fictions About Themselves
This happens because the fiction the narcissist has constructed about themselves and their life is very fragile. It is not really a very good defense against the unrelenting self-hatred and self-abuse the narcissist piles on themselves nonstop. When this defensive shield becomes fractured in any way, all of that self-hatred, all of the pathological shame, all of the narcissist’s true feelings for themselves come pouring in and they can’t take it. They crack. Their facade is gone, the shield comes down and we see the disorder as it really is: terrified, hysterical, needy, psychotic, paranoid, delusional and consumed with need. A burn victim with no protective skin. And it’s ugly. It’s pitiful. It’s sad. It’s scary. This is where people get trapped back in to trying again with the narcissist. They feel sorry for this poor, pathetic creature. And who wouldn’t? It’s a very dramatic situation.
Continue reading “How to Avoid the Trap of the Collapsed Narcissist”
Adult children of narcissists aren’t all the same, but we do have similarities. We were raised by a parent or parents whose mental illness robbed them of their ability to be an effective parent. Or a loving parent. The end result is frustration and anger and damaged sense of self. Dealing with the aftermath is a lifelong chore. Sometimes, that chore is really fucking hard.
Narc parents don’t fit the same mold. Their narcissism can manifest in a plethora of ways. While I have read about many different types of narcissist, I can only speak about the narcissistic parent I know.
My father was a thin-skinned, loud, grandiose, lying bully. That is the narcissistic behavior I know all too well. Continue reading “The Inevitable Meltdown in Narcissistic Behavior”
Their paranoia ramps up and they turn up the gas on their gaslighting efforts. The mental gymnastics, they are willing to engage in to support why they are being done wrong, are exhausting and frightening to behold. They never, regardless of consequences to themselves or others, admit that they played any part in how they are “wronged”. Continue reading “When the narcissist collapses, they become the victim.”
I learned a new term today: Collapsed narcissist.
The idea behind the term is not new to me, I just didn’t know the phrase. Kind of like learning my dad’s brand of being an asshole had the name “malignant narcissism”.
My brain insists on spelling out “malignant narcissism” to the tune of the Oscar Mayer bologna song.
A collapsed narcissist is a malignant narcissist who has had their narcissistic supply cut off, been irrefutably found out in a lie, or didn’t get what they wanted.
Continue reading “Collapsed Narcissist”