Living with a narcissistic parent can be devastating, complicated, and downright toxic for children. The home, which should embody a comforting place of safety and love, resembles a quasi-battleground where there is only one clear winner.
Furthermore, many of these wounded children grow up falsely believing that their home lives were normal and acceptable. With that said, they experience aching and painful needs that may feel bottomless in their adult lives. Following are seven things narcissistic parents can never provide to their children.
1 – Attunement To Feelings
A study by Stress in America recently revealed that Millennials (ages 18 to 33) report the highest stress levels of any generation. It’s not necessarily wrong to chalk these pressures up to increased competition in college and the workplace, an ailing economy, or a culture geared toward multitasking. But let’s consider something a little more personal that may be at the source of increased stress levels. Let’s talk about something that may hit a little closer to home and, in fact, exist in the home of many children growing up today… the problem of narcissistic parents. These past few years, we’ve targeted helicopter parents and fought the “battle hymn of the tiger mother.” We’ve worried for the televised pageantry of “toddlers” and wondered whether “attachment parenting” was right or wrong. Yet, the problem of narcissistic parents may be at an all-time high. True, it can be a good thing that parents are taking a more active role in their child’s development. Remember the very first scene of “Mad Men,” in which a typical 1960s housewife scolds her child – not for the plastic bag she’s fixed around her head, but for the dry-cleaned dress the bag had contained that must be lying on the floor somewhere? While their parents and grandparents may have suffered through a culture that viewed children as second-class citizens, the kids of today, who are being raised as the focus of their household, are not necessarily better off.
Realise That His Behaviour Is More Than Just Difficult
You probably prefer a solution that’s mutually agreeable.
That’s not how a narcissistic mind works.
A narcissistic father thrives on the sense of control. It’s his way or the highway, as far as he’s concerned.
This isn’t just “being difficult”. It’s abnormal, unhealthy behaviour.
He may value his ability to manipulate you above having a functional family relationship. You won’t find him very willing to compromise or concede on issues.
Things to be aware of if you were raised by the vainglorious
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Accept That Your Narcissist Parent Won’t Change
One of the most difficult challenges you face is accepting that your narcissist parent in all likelihood will never change. If the narcissist in your life finds a way to make personal progress toward a healthier state of being, great, but you should assume he won’t. Narcissists rarely change, and if they are acting nicer it is most likely a manipulative maneuver. Holding out hope that your parent will finally give you the unconditional love you have craved your whole life is natural, but it is a false dream that makes you vulnerable to further abuse and keeps you from moving on.
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How do we forgive a parent who has mentally abused a child or young adult using parental alienation strategies or a person who has aided this parent?
Aiding a parent includes those who have intentionally looked the other way, knowing the child or young adult was being ripped from the loving arms of their parent as the sacred parent/child bond was being broken. Worse, many of those who looked the other way received financial or other benefits at the expense of harming the psychological and physical health of this innocent child or young adult and loving parent.
This is very evil so how can we forgive?
How do we know this once evil person will not change back and become evil again?
Alienating parents are liars and manipulators as are those who aid them; they are smooth operators. Remember those who aid alienating parents are smooth operators too. Like politicians, often try to sell forgiveness; have angel eyes and a cold heart. Be cautious and see what they DO consistently.
A few days ago, a post was written on a Facebook group that asked the question “Could you ever look your ex in the eyes and tell them that you forgive them for what they have done??” and the responses were varied although weighted on the fact that many could not.
When you look at the “tactics” that are sometimes used in a relationship breakdown where the children are used as a weapon, it is quite undertandable that affected parents might feel this way
The group was <a class="ax cc ie if ig ih" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/PAWWSG?source=post_page—————————" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: inherit; text-decoration: none; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-repeat: repeat-x; background-image: url(" data:image svg+xml;utf8, “); background-size: 1px 1px; background-position: 0px calc(1em + 1px);”>Parental Alienation World Wide Support Group that has over 30,000 members which really highlights how many families are affected by this behaviour.