Posted in Alienation

Nine Things Troubled Kids Need from Their Parents

In I Still Love You, Dr. Ungar teaches parents the nine things their kids need in order to thrive. To help you put his advice into practice, we’ve created a set of cue cards that you can download, print, and carry with you or display in your home. Referring to them often will help you remember what you can do to make children change troubling behaviours and be more resilient.

Dr. Michael Ungar talks about his book I Still Love You: Nine Things Troubled Kids Need from Their Parents in this video introduction

This book for parents of children with serious emotional, psychological and behavioural challenges offers nine practical and effective strategies that parents can use to make children change troubling behaviours and become more resilient. Told as the story of three families that meet together weekly with Dr. Ungar at his office, each family’s struggles and successes are proof that with a little guidance and the power of unconditional love, any child can be helped to heal and reconnect. Continue reading “Nine Things Troubled Kids Need from Their Parents”

Posted in Alienation

Have you ever been so paralyzed by fear that you simply dissociated from it all?

Here, in brief, is how the survival-oriented acute stress response operates. Accurately or not, if you assess the immediately menacing force as something you potentially have the power to defeat, you go into fight mode. In such instances, the hormones released by your sympathetic nervous system—especially adrenaline—prime you to do battle and, hopefully, triumph over the hostile entity. Conversely, if you view the antagonistic force as too powerful to overcome, your impulse is to outrun it (and the faster the better). And this, of course, is the flight response, also linked to the instantaneous ramping up of your emergency biochemical supplies—so that, ideally, you can escape from this adversarial power (whether it be human, animal, or some calamity of nature).

So where, in what you perceive as a dire threat, is the totally disabling freezeresponse? By default, this reaction refers to a situation in which you’ve concluded (in a matter of seconds—if not milliseconds) that you can neither defeat the frighteningly dangerous opponent confronting you nor safely bolt from it. And ironically, this self-paralyzing response can in the moment be just as adaptive as either valiantly fighting the enemy or, more cautiously, fleeing from it. Continue reading “Have you ever been so paralyzed by fear that you simply dissociated from it all?”

Posted in Alienation


F3 or the Fight-Flight-Freeze response is the body’s automatic, built-in system designed to protect us from threat or danger. For example, when you hear the words, “look out!” you may be surprised to find how fast you move, and thankfully so, as you narrowly miss a flying puck sailing through your kitchen window! Or when you see a bear on the trail up ahead, you stop and remain quiet and still until it moves on. In both scenarios your system demonstrates its effectiveness at protecting you from danger. Continue reading “Fight-Flight-Freeze”

Posted in Alienation

Doing good does you good | Useful organisations and information

Direct Gov

For general guidance about how to get involved in your community.


Volunteering made easy. Quickly find ways to help in your community by searching their online database of volunteering opportunities in your area.

We are what we do

A non-profit company creating ways for millions of people to do more small things to make a big difference.


IVO is a website linking volunteers with charities and other organisations that could benefit from their time, skills and experience.

Kindness UK

Promoting, sharing and uniting kindness. Take part in the first ever nationwide kindness survey.

Action for Happiness

Action for Happiness is a movement of people committed to building a happier society. They also run the International Day of Happiness.


Volunteers are at the heart of Samaritans’ 201 branches across the UK by delivering core services, running branches, fundraising and raising awareness of what they do.

Mental Health Foundation

The UK’s leading mental health research, policy and service improvement charity. Visit their website for more tips on ways to be kind to others and how to look after your mental health.


Put your skills, energy and personal qualities to work helping people break out of poverty.

Volunteering England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland Volunteering

England Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are committed to supporting, enabling and celebrating volunteering in all its diversity. Their work links policy, research, innovation, good practice and programme management in the involvement of volunteers.




Northern Ireland

Volunteer Development Scotland: Scotland’s centre for Excellence in volunteering, VDS leads the way in informing and modernising approaches to improve the quality of the volunteering experience for the people of Scotland.

Continue reading “Doing good does you good | Useful organisations and information”

Posted in Alienation

Action for Happiness

Helping is associated with increased happiness and health, but feelng burdened by it can be detrimental, such as in the case of long-term carers. [1] There is evidence that whilst giving for pleasure is associated with higher self-esteem, life satisfaction and positive feelings, giving under pressure is not. [27] There are times when we need to give because it is the compassionate response and the right thing to do, such as in times of crisis or need.

However as a general rule we should try to match our giving activities to things that we find inherently enjoyable, in line with our own goals and feel are worthwhile for ourselves as well as the recipient. If we are happy givers, the recipients will likely benefit more and we are more likely to continue to give. [19]

Continue reading “Action for Happiness”

Posted in Alienation

Altruism, Helping, and Volunteering

We examined the influence of prosocial orientations including altruism, volunteering, and informal helping on positive and negative well-being outcomes among retirement community dwelling elders. Method:We utilize data from 2 waves, 3 years apart, of a panel study of successful aging (N = 585). Psychosocial well-being outcomes measured include life satisfaction, positive affect, negative affect, and depressive symptomatology. Results: Ordinal logistic regression results indicate that altruistic attitudes, volunteering, and informal helping behaviors make unique contributions to the maintenance of life satisfaction, positive affect and other well being outcomes considered in this research. Predictors explain variance primarily in the positive indicators of psychological well-being, but are not significantly associated with the negative outcomes. Female gender and functional limitations are also associated with diminished psychological well-being. Discussion: Our findings underscore the value of altruistic attitudes as important additional predictors, along with prosocial behaviors in fostering life satisfaction and positive affect in old age.

Continue reading “Altruism, Helping, and Volunteering”

Posted in Alienation

What is altruism?

What do we mean by the word altruism? In short, altruism is when we put other people’s needs before our own, whether it’s offering your seat to a pregnant woman on a bus or making a cup of tea for a work colleague. And what’s more, evidence shows that helping others can have a positive effect on your own mental health and wellbeing. For example, it can reduce stress as well as improve mood, self-esteem and happiness. There are many different ways that you can help others as part of your everyday life. Carrying out good deeds doesn’t need to take a lot of time or even cost money. Small changes can make a big difference. This guide gives you some ideas and tips to get you started by looking in more detail at:

  • Volunteering
  • Mentoring
  • Doing something for a good cause
  • Random acts of kindness

Continue reading “What is altruism?”

Posted in Alienation

Doing good does you good | Mental Health Foundation

It’s often said that it’s better to give than receive but did you know that this is actually backed up by research?

While many of us feel too stressed and busy to worry about helping others, or say we’ll focus on doing good deeds when we have more ‘spare time’, evidence shows that helping others is actually beneficial for your own mental health and wellbeing. It can help reduce stress, improve your emotional wellbeing and even benefit your physical health.

As part of our work to help the nation lead mentally healthy lives, we have produced this guide to show the positive impact that helping others can have on your own mental health, including some tips and suggestions to help you get started. So just take a few minutes, have a read and do something nice for a friend or a stranger today.

Continue reading “Doing good does you good | Mental Health Foundation”

Posted in Alienation

The sordid side of assistance

We tend to help others that we think are like us. Much of the research on helping suggests that many altruistic behaviors such as donating money or sharing our personal resources are motivated by self-interest, how we see ourselves in relation to others, or an external standard of personal accountability. Next time you lend a hand, think about your motive and how lack of support for others may be more of a function of a content ego, not unwillingness or the lack of financial ability.

Continue reading “The sordid side of assistance”

Posted in Alienation

Reasons Why People Refuse to Help Others

One reason you may object to lending a hand or giving money is that the need to feel good about yourself is satisfied in different ways. Not everyone needs an inflated ego and some people genuinely have feelings of empathy for those less fortunate. Frequently, when individuals are contemplating assistance to others, they undergo a cost-benefit analysis calculating the personal rewards of helping, as well as the psychological and physical drawbacks of offering help. If the emotional costs are deemed too high, such as when individuals feel overly threatened, insecure, or not personally accountable for offering help, they will be far less inclined to exhibit adaptive helping behavior.

Continue reading “Reasons Why People Refuse to Help Others”