What happens once they gain autonomy and no longer are controlled by the alienating parent? Is there a way they are able to be reached?
Some stories don’t seem to offer much hope: I Am A Daughter of A Mother Who Alienated Me From My Father, Erasing Him From My Life…
Amy Baker and others advise that the alienated parent allows the child to take the lead in terms of discussing the alienation, but that they should be there for the child and just do their best to remain a steady presence.
But what if the child has been kidnapped or otherwise totally cut off from the target parent. Must the parent wait until the adult child contacts them? Should the parent instead contact the child?
Counselors don’t necessarily agree about how target parents who have been completely cut off, should proceed. Many parents have been able to locate their now adult child or children (today it isn’t hard, online searches are helpful). Whether or not to reach out to the alienated adult child seems up for grabs, with logic and emotion vying for priority.
I have to reach out, even though I know my son has been totally brainwashed against me. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself.