Understanding The Triangulating Alienated Child

What you have to keep in mind about alienated triangulating children is that they are learning this behaviour from a dysfunctional parent, it is often behaviour which is passed down the family line and normalised, it is a routine which is familiar and which is expected. For those who are unfamiliar with alienated triangulating children, here are some signs to look out for –

They will tell you that others not present have said things about you
They will make it appear that they know things that you don’t know
You will discover that others believe things about you which are untrue
Others in your life may suddenly cut you off or cut you out of their lives
They will behave as if other people in the family drama are their best friends
If you confront them with the triangulating behaviour they will be angry and defensive, they may deny what they have said
If you confront them with the person they have triangulated into the situation, they will try to make out you are mad or bad or lying
They will try to make you feel as if you are deficient
They will tell you things about the other parent that they don’t like (this is a very big red flag – if your alienated child suddenly switches to telling you how much they dislike the other parent and pours out stories of what that parent is doing to them, take great care because they could very easily be doing that as a way of getting you to tell them things that you feel so that they can then switch back and report it all to the alienating parent)

Karen Woodall

One of the most difficult people  to understand in the alienation drama is the triangulating alienated child.  This child is one I have come to know as the proxy alienator, the person through whom the family is controlled or alternatively kept in chaos which in itself is another form of control.

Triangles and triangulation is an essential behaviour which anyone facing alienation from a child should know about.  Triangulation is the use of a third person not present to strengthen the control a person has over someone else.  A good example of triangulation is the use of the parent the child does not live with in a discussion with you about things they are allowed to do at that parent’s home.  The purpose of the triangulation of that parent into your discussion is to put pressure upon you to feel inadequate or wrong in some way so that your parenting…

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