They Just Don’t Want to See You
The alienating parent subtly denigrates the targeted parent in front of the children, although they say they never talk bad about the other parent, when in fact they do. They will often say that the targeted parent denigrates them (projection). If they repeat it often enough to the child, the child begins to believe it. The repetitive comments are very much like a cult leader programs their followers. Say it enough, like the times tables in primary school, and it will become ingrained and accepted.
The alienating parent has no regard for the targeted parents parenting skills or rules and they will encourage the children to be defiant towards the targeted parent. Everything the targeted parent does that is positive gets turned into something bad, and anything even minutely wrong gets blown out of all proportion. The alienating parent rewrites history to the child to portray the targeted parent as neglectful, a bad parent and/or abusive. Children in these situations are often put under so much pressure or interrogated for information, they will begin to accept the false narrative and tell lies just to take the pressure off them and please the alienator.
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Verbal abuse encompasses many arenas and includes both real life and online cyber-bullying.
While any form is damaging, research shows that verbal abuse has an impact on both hemispheres of your brain. A disconnection of the hemispheres and a thinning in sections of your prefrontal cortex and medial temporal lobe, can cause you to disassociate, similar to those who suffered physical assault or sexual abuse.
The hard part about verbal abuse is that it’s less tangible. It’s harder for someone suffering from verbal abuse to distinguish the root of the cause, and they will commonly blames themselves for the verbal attacks.
One Harvard study in particular found those who had never experienced or witnessed physical abuse, domestic abuse or sexual trauma, but experienced being bullied in their adolescence, showed these similar changes in brain activity to those suffering from both verbal and physical trauma.
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