The narcissist’s ability to fuck with our heads is how he gets to do whatever he wants behind our back without us ever really finding out. He’s able to create just enough suspicion to keep us filled with anxiety while never really giving us any cold hard facts. It’s all about creating uncertainty and making us doubt our gut feelings (which are never wrong). Whenever I attempted to call my ex out on a suspicious behavior, he’d defiantly say, “You can never prove that!” And he’d say it with the utmost confidence. In looking back, I can see that he never really denied anything…he simply stated that I couldn’t prove it and that was that. He knew exactly how to keep me separated from whatever other world he was playing in. I’m sure that you remember plenty of times where you found yourself apologizing for the soul purpose of apologizing even though it was he (or she!) who had created the conflict. You may have even fallen to your knees sobbing, begging to be forgiven…..for what? For catching him in a lie? Oh yeah, been there, done that.
What we experience with a narcissistic partner is trickery at its best. To get us wrapped up, the narcissist puppeteer puts on his best face, becoming a Pretender Extraordinaire…molding and shaping the emotional environment of the relationship in such a way so that he can have his cake and eat it too. To get back into our good graces after a discard, a narcissist spends a good deal of time future-faking (i.e. telling us what we want to hear), saying all those things we’ve been praying for him to say and making all kinds of plans with us that he has no intention of hanging around for. Later, when you remind him of his own words and promises, he’ll respond with nothing more than a blank stare as if he hasn’t the slightest clue what the fuck you’re talking about.