You have to be aware that alienators behave in very much the same way as pedophiles!!!
Yes very disturbing, acting in a covert manner with your children, trying to project a personal image of the perfect parent whilst at the same time undermining your parenting skills to the child.
They will focus on the youngest child, the easiest one to manipulate and control, not so easy with teenagers.
Some of the tell tale signs that your partner is trying to turn your child against you and any other authoritarian figure IE: schools, people linked with out of school activities, relatives, friends etc to be aware of are the following:-
- Whispering in your child’s ear!
- Keeping secrets with child, just mummy or daddies little secret trying to make them feel special.
- Wanting to spend more time alone with the child than usual.
- Keeping the child away from other relatives or outside influences, anyone that may question what they have been told.
- Suddenly taking an unusual interest in parents evenings, sports events, social occasions, and out of school activities.
- Wanting to be seen with the child on social occasions, making an impression on schools, teachers and friends.
- Making suggestions to the child that you are not feeding them correctly, that you are feeding them junk food, takeaways or skipping meals!!
- Telling your children that you don’t love them or mummy/daddy loves them more.
- Continuously telling the child that they are a kind wonderful person (if you really are a kind wonderful person you don’t have to keep reiterating it)
- Removing and hiding any of the gifts or photos that you have given your children.
- Watching your every move, just waiting in the wings for you to trip up and have one too many drinks, or stay out too late one evening, or the new unsuitable partner that comes into your life.
- They will drip feed untruths and lies to your child about your relatives or friends, to try and turn the child against them and encourage the child to avoid them.
- They will distort any good memories about holidays and birthdays to make you look bad, then tell the child how wonderful they behaved on the holiday or special occasion.
- They will undermine your authority when you have to discipline your child and make the child feel like they are receiving an unjust punishment.
- With older children slightly different tactics may be used, lavish presents, promises of holidays and more.
- They try to become a friend instead of a parent and encourage the child to drink with them or even worse take drugs with them. They befriend all the child’s friends on social media and try to be life and sole of the party to impress your child’s friends.
- Remember everyone on their side is a bonus and as far as they are concerned will count when it comes to court.
- The whole purpose is to get the support of everyone you know before going for the kill. This has a dual purpose:-
- It turns many people against you which will make them feel powerful.
- The more people they can recruit the bigger the army to fight the battle.
These are all things that you ex will use against you to try to gain the upper hand before the attack.
Do not believe that you ex partner is not capable of doing these things to you and your children, they will stoop to any level!!!!.
This is all part of the campaign they are building ready to strike when they go for custody or residency of the child.
Be aware, be prepared, forewarned is forearmed.