GROOMING refers to the process of manipulating and maneuvering a person, adult or child, into a position that creates trust and vulnerability. The target is often isolated from support systems at least to the extent of keeping secrets, and made dependent emotionally or financially, or both. This is done to facilitate abuse, and is practiced by predators, sociopaths, and narcissists, who target vulnerable people for exploitation.
GROOMING YOU AS AN ADULT means creating a situation where you can be abused and exploited for the narcopath’s purposes. This is done by “love bombing”, seduction, charm, giving you gifts, being very charming, and flattering. This may be followed after a time by threats, gaslighting, and forced keeping of secrets, which become the victim’s “new normal.”
GROOMING YOUR CHILD refers to the manipulative tactic of creating a bond with a child so as to lower the child’s resistance to the narcopath, and often results in the psychological and/or physical abuse of the child, and sometimes, sexual abuse, or alienation of the child from the other parent.
THE NARCOPATH will gain the target’s trust, brainwash the victim into believing they are loved, and then manipulate the victim to get what the narcopath wants.
GROOMING IN THE BEGINNING……
CREATING A BOND…the narcopath bonds you to him by intermittent reinforcement (good times, bad times; loving, then abusive), and may share personal information to get you to do so as well, which is suppose to be secret between the two of you. In other words, you think you are being trusted, so you trust the narcopath. Using shared secrets, the narcopath takes you down the path of breaking down your boundaries…financial, sexual, and personal. Then, the narcopath makes you fear disclosure of embarrassing secrets you’ve told or things you’ve done. They create what you think is a “special connection” with the narcopath so it’s difficult to imagine the narcopath is actually evil.
THE VULNERABLE VICTIM can be almost anyone because narcopaths are highly practiced in grooming and manipulation. They focus on kind, caring, and empathetic people, that is, the tend to pick the best people.
WHY GROOMING WORKS….it works because it feels so good when you’re being love bombed, it’s truly exhilarating. It feels amazing to you. You become absolutely enthralled with the narcopath because he seems like the perfect person, and he tells YOU that you are the perfect person…what could be better? You’ve never been showered with this much attention.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU’VE BEEN GROOMED…ABUSE AND DISCARD….
“LOVE BOMBING” IS FOLLOWED BY ABUSE AND DISCARD, RESULTING IN FEELINGS OF SHAME, CONFUSION, AND DEPRESSION. At the discard, you can hardly believe it’s happening. You may be desperate to get the narcopath back…and he may come back…for a while. That’s called “hoovering” and it gives him an ego boost to get you to take him back after, but when the next discard comes, it hurts worse. He will do this AS MANY TIMES AS YOU’LL LET HIM. The pain is horrible because you’ve lost what you though was a deep bond unlike any you’ve ever had. It’s incredibly difficult to come to the truth, which was that the narcopath played you and was never sincere. That is one of the most difficult conclusions you’ll ever make in your entire life. But, it seems like the end, but in truth, it’s the beginning…of a new life.
Note: all references to “him” also apply to female narcopaths as well.