If you study cases of people who want to be mentally ill or pretend to be mentally ill, a common theme among them is unhappiness and depression. It also serves the purpose of gaining sympathy and attention from others, or so they think.
Ironically, people who are mentally ill often hide their illness from the world. They worry that if people knew about their mental illness, they will think less of them. They do not see it as a way to garner sympathy. People who want to be mentally ill see it differently. They see a mental illness as a way of getting people to notice them. Perhaps your desire for attention and sympathy is driving your behavior.