Some beliefs are perfectly acceptable, but some are not. Acceptable beliefs are rational, and when they are what’s beneath our needs, wants, and expectations, we have a right to have them fulfilled. We have a right to be supported by our partner or treated with affection and respect. However, some beliefs are irrational. It is irrational to believe our partner should loveus no matter what we do or how we treat them. Some people do actually believe that—they call it unconditional love.
Some of the problems couples face, especially those that come up over and over again, might stem from irrational beliefs held by one or both partners. Needs, wants and expectations based on irrational beliefs can’t be satisfied, and so they can cause a lot of negative emotions, such as anger or frustration. That’s because we keep waiting to get what we want and it doesn’t happen. These negative emotions also linger and can infect other aspects of a relationship, and arguments that stem from irrational beliefs rarely find their way to solutions.