Solutions to problems with and about adult stepkids
Typical Primary Problems
Common primary problems involving adult stepkids include:
2) some adults may have symptoms of significant psychological wounds from a low-nurturance childhood, and no one knows that or what it means. Solution – have all your adults study, discuss, and apply Lesson 1 together. Avoiding or procrastinating this is a sure sign of wounds and unawareness.
3) one or more stepfamily co-parents made unwise commitment choices, and they don’t want to admit that. They can break their denial and grieve, but they can’t undo their choices.
4) one or more co-parents are not consistently committed to putting their wholistic healthfirst, their primary relationship second, and all else (like adult stepkids’ needs) third, except in emergencies. This usually indicates significant psychological wounds, incomplete grief, and unresolved guilt. See Lessons 1 and 3;
5) two or more family adults (usually all) don’t know how to communicate and problem-solve effectively. Symptom – conflicted people focus on surface problems, not the primary needs causing them. Solution – take this quiz and see what you learn. Then study and apply Lesson-2 skills to fill everyone’s needs as mutually-respectful teammates, not adversaries.
6) one or more adults are unable to resolve internal conflicts first, and then work to reduce interpersonal conflicts. Solution: patiently study and apply Lessons 1 and 2 here.
More primary “adult-stepchild” problems…
7) one or more family members are minimizing or denying your identity as a stepfamily and/or what that identity means. This usually means they have unrealistic expectations about stepfamily relationships and dynamics. Solution – all adults study and discuss (at least) Lesson 7.
8) some members disagree on who belongs to your stepfamily. Solution – read and discuss these options.
9) some of your stepfamily members are stressed with a mix of values and loyalty conflicts and associated relationship triangles, and you don’t know that or what to do about it.Solution – read and apply these ideas together.
10) one or more of your adults is blocked in grieving major losses from (a) childhood, (b) biofamily breakup, and/or (c) stepfamily formation; and that is hindering stepfamily bonding. Solution – study and apply Lesson 3, and invite your adults to forge a pro-grief policy together.
11) two or more adults are focused on surface financial disputes, rather than what causes them. Solution – read and discuss these ideas.