Since a narcissist views those in their lives as extensions of themselves rather than separate, unique individuals, we are often left feeling unseen and unheard. This is because we are! A narcissist can’t really see you for who you are but rather sees you as a projection of his/her own shadow. The shadow is that part of the self one cannot really see. It is where all our repressed emotions, feelings, and beliefs lie. It is the parts of ourselves cast into darkness.
The more one cuts off from his/her shadow the more one lives a lie. When we are cut off from what lies beneath the surface of our awareness we live our life only on the surface. It is the people in our lives who reflect what is hidden within us. This is why we often refer to those who come into our lives in any way, shape or form as mirrors. It is not that people necessarily mirror what you see about yourself, but rather they mirror what you don’t see. A narcissist, for example, will mirror to you your deepest fears and insecurities. Why? Because he himself is cut off from those parts within his own being and needs to project those parts outward in order to avoid taking responsibility for them