When someone blame-shifts like this, there is an (understandable) temptation to explain yourself, defend your name, and prove your point. But the problem is, this is exactly what they want you to do. They blame-shift so you’ll react. They often accuse you of doing things that they themselves are doing, because it’s so infuriating that you just have to say something. But again, that’s the point.
By sucking you into these arguments, they are consuming your energy and watching you progressively self-destruct, so they can use your reactions to prove their own points. (“Wow, look how bitter and angry you are!”)
The term JADE stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. When it comes to Cluster-B disorders, don’t do those things. You will feel compelled to, but don’t. When you try to defend yourself against a false accusation, you legitimize it by even acknowledging it. The only way to respond to these tactics is to stand up and walk away.
Odds are, you are an overly reasonable person who is always trying to see things from everyone else’s perspective. You constantly worry that you’re being unfair (“Oh no, what if I actually am this terrible thing they’re accusing me of”), which makes you a prime target to people like this. Because unfortunately in all your worry and self-doubt about being unfair, you fail to see actually unfair situations.