In 1979 Lenore E. Walker developed what’s referred to as “the cycle of abuse.” In this cycle, there are 4 main stages: 1. Tension building; 2. Incident; 3. Reconciliation; and 4. Calm. This cycle is the standard go-to for understanding (and treating) abuse. And while it can be really helpful for some people, I found it to be a little confusing for my situation, as my relationship didn’t run this course, and there were added elements in my relationships that weren’t found in this cycle.