I am an alienated child sometimes I am lonelier than I believe it is possible to be but I hide from that by surrounding myself with people who reflect back to me my own reality. Even then, sometimes, I miss you and wonder why I have to keep on behaving this way.
I am an alienated older child, at times the cognitive dissonance screams so loudly in my ears that I have to cover them up or hide from the reality that I see right in front of me. I have grown to a place where I can see the things that have been done to me are wrong but still I do not have the courage to put them right, I do not feel big enough yet to face ‘them’ but I know who they are.
I am an alienated adult child, I am starting to realise that whatever ‘they’ say about the parent I have been forced to reject, he is still MY father. I am starting to understand that mothers and fathers are not divided into all perfect and all bad, I am starting to realise that the step parent who was forced into the place of MY father is not MY father.
I am an alienated adult child and the parts of myself that were pushed into the shadows are starting to come into the light.
One day I look in the mirror and I see my father’s face, my grandfather’s eyes, my great grandfather’s smile. That half of myself that I cut off and threw away is emerging before my eyes.