Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Unhealthy and Healthy Detachment

In her best-seller Codependent No More, Melody Beatty calls healthy detachment an act and an art.  She believes that “detachment can become a habitual response in the same manner that obsessing, worrying, and controlling become habitual responses–with practice.”

Healthy detachment is about

* allowing others to be themselves.
* reversing the need to rescue, save or fix anyone who is ill, dysfunctional, or irrational.
* reversing the need to be rescued, saved, or fixed yourself
* giving other people the space to be themselves.
* disengaging from overly enmeshed or dependent relationships
* being willing to accept that you cannot control other people or situations.
* developing and maintaining a safe emotional distance from someone to whom you previously gave away your power.
* establishing emotional boundaries between you and those who are overly dependent on you.
* feeling your own feelings when you see someone else falter, being neither responsible nor guilty.
* facing life with a healthy perspective.
* recognizing the need to avoid uncontrollable and unchangeable realities.
* exercising emotional self-protection to avoid emotional devastation.

* allowing your loved ones to accept responsibility for their actions as you avoid scolding them.
* avoiding being hurt, abused, or taken advantage of by others, especially those with whom you have been overly enmeshed.

Now you need to know when you should detach.  Melody Beatty suggests we do it “when we can’t stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we haveto do something about someone because we can’t stand it another minute; when we’re hanging on by a thread, and it feels like the single thread is frayed; and when we believe we can no longer live with the problem we’ve been trying to live with.”

A good rule of thumb is:  You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.

This is a very humbling but true realization.




Currently studying Psychotherapy , Cognitive psychology, Biological psychology, Counselling psychology and CBT. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity! ≧◔◡◔≦

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