|In her best-seller Codependent No More, Melody Beatty calls healthy detachment an act and an art. She believes that “detachment can become a habitual response in the same manner that obsessing, worrying, and controlling become habitual responses–with practice.”
Healthy detachment is about
* allowing others to be themselves.
|* allowing your loved ones to accept responsibility for their actions as you avoid scolding them.
* avoiding being hurt, abused, or taken advantage of by others, especially those with whom you have been overly enmeshed.
Now you need to know when you should detach. Melody Beatty suggests we do it “when we can’t stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we haveto do something about someone because we can’t stand it another minute; when we’re hanging on by a thread, and it feels like the single thread is frayed; and when we believe we can no longer live with the problem we’ve been trying to live with.”
A good rule of thumb is: You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.
This is a very humbling but true realization.