Doing this work however is tricky. It is particularly tricky when one is managing not only the mind control of the alienating parent but the mind control of other professionals who are unable to see the reality of an alienation reaction in the child. These professionals, often social workers with disproportionate power in cases, are so fixated upon the concept of the ‘voice of the child’ that they deem any decision to override a child’s expressed wishes as being child abuse. In these kinds of cases, the concentric circles of the family, surrounded by the professionals, become infected with the alienating parent’s use of the professionals’ anxiety to escalate the reaction in the child. Getting this infectious form of mind control under control in such circumstances can be impossible, especially when there are additional professionals such as Guardians without knowledge or skill in working with alienated children.
As a rejected parent in such a scenario it is vital that you get your mind under control and that you become as alienation aware as you possibly can be to offset the risk of being drowned in the anxiety of the professionals around you. Those parents who do well in such circumstances, are those with clear set minds and a vision of one’s own health and firm foundations. Keeping healthy is essential, exercise is a must and knowing how the infection of parental alienation spreads is essential.
Keep in mind the following reality if you are being alienated
- The core manifestation of the problem is your child’s division of feelings into all good for one parent and all bad for the other. This is accompanied by the eight signs of alienation, when they are present, know that the alienating parent is able to influence not only the child but others around the family too.
- Do not be pulled into the traps set for you by the alienating parent who will use the anxiety of other professionals to escalate the children’s outright rejection of you if it is possible to do so.
- Common traps are as follows a) portrayal of you as angry/violent by baiting and taunting you. b) false allegations which are framed upon real life events but which are blown out of proportion. c) portrayal of you as attempting to alienate the children. d) unreasonable behaviours designed to create the impression of conflict.
- Unaware professionals who treat you as if you are contributory to the problem are likely to be influenced by the alienating parent and the alienated behaviours of the children. Do not fall into the trap of becoming angry and frustrated with these professionals as they are likely to believe that this means that you are the person who must be fixed.
- At all times, when in the court process, be polite, be straightforward but be firm in your understanding of what is happening. Be clear in your communications, brief and absolutely to the point. Maintain a clear mind in what you are seeking to achieve in the court process.
- Do not be influenced by the alienating parent’s portrayals of you or the professionals lack of understanding, stay clear and focused the whole way through.
In parental alienation, the parent who is being rejected is the parent who is the child’s healthy parent. The ‘choice’ to reject the healthy parent is made by children who have no other choice to make because of their dependency upon the unwell parent. Whilst the reasoning for this rejection can take many forms, most children will say that a parent has done them harm. This in itself can send you in a tail spin of anxiety and indignation when you know that this is not the case. Do not let it. Recognise it for what it is and stand firm in your knowledge of your own healthy self.