Covert narcissism wasn’t a choice.
I was raised an only child (I have older half siblings as both parents were married to other people) by a malignant narcissist mother (somatic type) and a father who may have had either BPD or low-spectrum covert narcissism (much like myself).
Even though my mother was “nicer” on the surface than my father (probably to fulfill the social norm of pleasantry expected of women), I was always instinctively and more deeply afraid of her. My father had rages and was an alcoholic and *seemed* more abusive, but I always knew he had love for me, even if he always seemed to take my mother’s side. I saw the tenderness and love in his eyes when he wasn’t under her thrall for the moment.
I used to dream of my mother as a demon, with those malignant black eyes you always hear about in the…
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