Posted in Alienation

Abuse By Proxy: And Other Tools of Torture for the Machiavellian Sadist

An effective technique that’s often deployed by the sadist is what is known as abuse by proxy. This is when the perpetrator of the abuse recruits Lieutenants to, sometimes unwittingly, do his bidding. The benefits of this strategy is that it allows the abuser to enjoy the sick pleasure he finds in the pain of his target, while simultaneously feeling the gratification that comes from getting away with cleverly manipulating others into doing his dirty work. It keeps the abuser further and further away from the target’s sight and keeps the target’s focus on the second in command rather than the source of the abuse. For these kinds of people, power trips like this are irresistible. Continue reading “Abuse By Proxy: And Other Tools of Torture for the Machiavellian Sadist”

Posted in Alienation

Abuse by proxy

If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers – in short, third parties – to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.

One form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.

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Posted in Alienation, Dark Triad, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Dark Triads use Abuse By Proxy tactic to enact revenge on Victims

Source: Dark Triads use Abuse By Proxy tactic to enact revenge on Victims

Posted in Alienation

Parental Alienation – A Potentially Serious Mental Disorder

It is concluded that there are signs of mental disturbance if not mental illness related to those individuals who carry out the process of alienation. Furthermore they are likely to be low on empathy indicating that their relationship with their children is strictly on the basis of the enmity they display towards their former partner in influencing the child/children accordingly against the non custodial absent party. It is important that other researchers carry out a study of a larger sample of alienators.

Discussion of results

Table 1 indicates that those who have been alienating a child/children against an absent parent have a much higher psychoticism mean score than the normal population based on comparison with a control group of the Eysenck norms. This is both for males and females. The numbers in brackets show the actual numbers participating in the experimental PAS group. Males are somewhat lower in number than females as alienators as they do not normally have custody of the children.

The mean psychoticism score for males between 21-30 years of age was 8.65 while the mean score for males who were alienators was 13.3. In the case of females of the same age group it was also noted that while the control group had mean of 6.20 the alienating group had a mean score of 15.5. The tables on the whole are self explanatory.

In the case of neuroticism alienators also had a much higher mean score than non alienators or the control group. This may be exemplified by the group 21-30 which unfortunately had only a small number of males (2), but even among those the mean for the normal non alienating group was 11.08 while the mean of the alienating group was 18. In the case of females similar results occurred in comparison with the normal mean of 12.53 with the mean of the alienator at that age group being 17.5. The remainder of the table has a similar trend for the different age groups.

The empathy group again showed differences between alienators, whether male or female, compared with ordinary individual norms of both sexes. For the age group 20-29 the mean for the non alienating group was 11.76 while for the alienating group it was 5. Hence alienators tend to have a lower empathy score. Again the remainder of the table has a similar trend for the different age groups.

The conclusions that can be reached are:

  1. The conclusions deal with the fact that alienators whether male or female tend to score high on psychoticism than non alienators based on the norms of the Eysenck Personality Questionnaire.
  2. The same can be said for neuroticism in that alienators score higher on neuroticism and hence have more problems relating to their lifestyle with considerable anxiety, worry and other symptoms of mental disturbance.
  3. On the empathy scale it was noted that the alienator scored much lower than the non alienator based on the Eysenck Personality Questionnaire. Hence a lack of empathy may be associated with a tendency toward alienating.

Parental Alienation –  A Potentially Serious Mental Disorder

L.F. Lowenstein

Continue reading “Parental Alienation – A Potentially Serious Mental Disorder”

Posted in Alienation

The parent likely evidences some psychopathology

As an attempt to understand the motivation behind an alienating parent’s behavior, the alienating parent’s mental health issues are often advanced as an explanation (Barlow, 2010). Gardner (1998) categorized alienating parents into mild, moderate, and severe alienators. In the mild category, parents were described as psychologically healthy and invested in their children, but might try to program children when angry. In the moderate category, parents were described as having some psychopathology, and the motivation for alienation was viewed in terms of financial motivation. In the severe category, Gardner (1998) described parents as having severe psychopathology, and as being narrow minded and even violent in their alienation.

Alienating parents often report believing that what they are doing is in the best interests of their child, and the disconnect between this belief and the reality of the damage done to the child supports the idea that alienating parents may struggle in certain areas of mental functioning (e.g., cognitive distortions).

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Posted in Alienation

When Your Adult Child is in a Bad Relationship

As you know, being a parent does not stop when your child leaves the nest. Whether your child is fifteen, thirty, or forty-five, it is upsetting to watch him or her make unhealthy decisions.  When your ‘adult’ child is in a bad relationship, for example, it can cause you extreme stress and worry.  Of course you want to help.  But how? The first question to ask yourself is whether your child is actually in a bad relationship.  If your child is mostly happy and stable, and is learning and growing, it is likely that your own preferences and judgments are clouding your viewpoint.  Try to let go of what you want for your child, and support his or her choices. If you have separated out your own judgments, and still believe that your child is in a relationship that is unhealthy, codependent, or abusive, you may desperately want to do something to change or control your child’s choices. The problem is that you do not have control over another person’s relationship choices. You do, however,

Source: When Your Adult Child is in a Bad Relationship

Posted in Alienation

Leveraging the Children

The abuser often recruits his children to do his bidding. He uses them to tempt, convince, communicate, threaten, and otherwise manipulate his target, the children’s other parent or a devoted relative (e.g., grandparents). He controls his – often gullible and unsuspecting – offspring exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done – which causes tremendous (and, typically, irreversible) emotional hurt. Continue reading “Leveraging the Children”

Posted in Alienation

Tell Your Children the Truth

Remember this: An abusive parent IS DANGEROUS TO THE CHILD.

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Posted in Alienation

Criminals, Hypochondriacs and Alienators

Over the past 14 years that I have been dealing with the insanity of parental alienation, I have often thought about what a horrible and unhappy life my daughter’s father must have. At times his life has been consumed with doing whatever he can to make sure my daughter “loves” him more than me. If that means lying, cheating, and manipulating he’s okay with that, and it seems like second nature to him. Every story and lie needs to be protected with another, to the point that his life must be a paranoid existence. He cannot trust anyone, and can never reveal his true self, for fear of being found out. Such a tangled web, in constant danger of being unraveled.

Journey Through Alienation

Over the past 14 years that I have been dealing with the insanity of parental alienation, I have often thought about what a horrible and unhappy life my daughter’s father must have.   At times his life has been consumed with doing whatever he can to make sure my daughter “loves” him more than me.  If that means lying, cheating, and manipulating he’s okay with that, and it seems like second nature to him.  Every story and lie needs to be protected with another, to the point that his life must be a paranoid existence.  He cannot trust anyone, and can never reveal his true self, for fear of being found out.  Such a tangled web, in constant danger of being unraveled.

He has become an expert at protecting this world that he has created.  With skillful manipulation of people and events, he manages to keep multiple versions of reality in…

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Posted in Alienation

11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

1. You get stressed easily.

 

2. You have difficulty asserting yourself.

 

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary.

4. You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently.

5. You hold grudges.

6. You don’t let go of mistakes.

7. You often feel misunderstood.

8. You don’t know your triggers.

9. You don’t get angry.

10. You blame other people for how they make you feel.

 

11. You’re easily offended.

Continue reading “11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence”