It feels good to push people away. It’s been a guilty little secret of mine for the past year. I often think about moving to a place where there is nothing but fields. Empty space that goes on and on forever. Nothing complicated, just straight predictability that stretches as far as the eye can see.
Since recognizing the extent of parental alienation in my family, I think about the complications of others all the time. Are they worth it? Of course they are, I think to myself. All people are worth it. It’s wonderful to have relationships with people. There’s nothing better than love.
But then I think about motivation. Justification. Vindication. And then alleviation: All people exhaled.
Sometimes I fantasize about emotionally executing every person in my life. It’s for safety reasons, I pretend. You never know what they’ll do to you when you’re least expecting it. But really, it’s…
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