If you were to get inside of the mind of the alienator, you would find several issues that lead them to act so irrationally. First, they have extreme low self-esteem, which is evidenced in their warped beliefs that they have to be perfect, because if they are not perfect, then they are not lovable and if they are not lovable then they will be abandoned. Their low self–esteem thus manifests itself into a fear of being alone.
Couple this with narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies based on their own unresolved depression and you have one very angry, hate-filled and revengeful person. They are so filled with hatred, anger and rage that they cannot control their impulses to get back at the other parent any way that they can.
They do not see how their thought patterns are causing more harm not only to themselves but the people around them. The alienators distorted thought process means that they are in desperate need of specialized counseling with someone who is trained in Parental Alienation, Narcissism, Borderline Personality Issues, or at the very least, trained in Grief/Anger management and impulse control.
Unfortunately, our courts do not understand PAS well enough to apply proper protocols to help prevent, intervene and stop. They inadvertently order counseling for the targeted parent and children to help them unite, but forget that unless the alienator is in counseling, the children will continue to be barraged with the anger and hatred of the alienator.
In fact, forcing the children into counseling gives the alienator even more control. Alienators use this as another tool to convince the children that it is the other parent’s fault they are in counseling convincing them that it is not the courts forcing them but the other parent.
This creates further hatred in the children toward the targeted parent. With this trauma, the child, instead, go into the counseling process with hatred and anger; often refusing to do the work to heal their love, confusion and own low self-esteem brought about by the alienators psychological abuse of them.
Add to this, that many counselors & therapist are not properly trained and refuse to meet with both parents to find out what is really going on. Counselors who insist on believing the projections of the alienator spouted by the children actually are making the situation far worse.
Without proper training and understanding, therapists can actually do more harm than good. When they ignore the fact that there are parental relationship problems related to one parent being the angry aggressor, they close a huge door that could help the children to move forward in a positive healthy way. Thus Family counseling starting with the parents is a necessity, not an option.