Defensive independence

The commonplace tendency for seriously rejected persons to make fewer and fewer bids over time for positive response (see dependence) because of their growing anger and increasing emotional unresponsiveness. Many defensively independent persons say, in effect, “To hell with you! I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody!” Defensive independence is one way many rejected persons attempt to defend themselves against further hurt of rejection in situations over which they feel they have little control. Defensive independence is like healthy independence in that individuals make relatively few behavioral bids for positive response. But it is unlike healthy independence in that defensively independent people continue to emotionally crave positive response, though they sometimes do not recognize it. Indeed, because of the overlay of anger, distrust, and other negative emotions generated by chronic rejection, defensively independent individuals often actively deny their need for support, encouragement, sympathy, love, and other forms of positive response. (See personality subtheory)

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