I am currently working on a new project with a colleague who is a whole self practitioner with experience with alienation, work which she recently termed ‘the valley of death’. This conceptualisation of working with parental alienation is very close to my own feelings about this work, which is very much at times like working in the killing fields. Yesterday, in my regular supervision, we were discussing the negative transference, that phenomenon when as a therapist we trigger the alienating parent’s negative projections which then turn towards us instead of or as well as the targeted parent. It made me realise how much the intrapsychic world in which I work and others are forced to live, is draining and toxic to the self and the soul. Which prompted thinking about how to care for the alienated parent, something I am often too focused on children to properly consider. As we are in the process of writing a series of articles for self care in this field, I thought it might be helpful to write about the impact of alienation on you as the targeted parent and how you can more properly protect yourself and care for yourself through the shadows in the valley of death so that you do not succumb to the terrible outcomes that too many people in your situation suffer.