Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder, psychosocial

Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development

Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, as articulated by Erik Erikson, in collaboration with Joan Erikson,[1] is a comprehensive psychoanalytic theory that identifies a series of eight stages, in which a healthy developing individual should pass through from infancy to late adulthood. All stages are present at birth but only begin to unfold according to both a natural scheme and one’s ecological and cultural upbringing. In each stage, the person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. Each stage builds upon the successful completion of earlier stages. The challenges of stages not successfully completed may be expected to reappear as problems in the future.

However, mastery of a stage is not required to advance to the next stage. The outcome of one stage is not permanent and can be modified by later experiences. Erikson’s stage theory characterizes an individual advancing through the eight life stages as a function of negotiating his or her biological forces and sociocultural forces. Each stage is characterized by a psychosocial crisis of these two conflicting forces (as shown in the table below). If an individual does indeed successfully reconcile these forces (favoring the first mentioned attribute in the crisis), he or she emerges from the stage with the corresponding virtue. For example, if an infant enters into the toddler stage (autonomy vs. shame and doubt) with more trust than mistrust, he or she carries the virtue of hope into the remaining life stages.[2]

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

About by Walter Singleton

This page is written by Walter Singleton and dedicated to my sons Aiden Singleton and Seth Singleton in Fort Oglethorpe, GA and to my daughter Haley Singleton in Orlando, FL.

Source: About

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Children resisting contact: From handover problems to parental alienation

Tue 22 November 2016 1:30 pm – 4:30 pm

Carlow Room, 10 Palmerston Place, Edinburgh EH12 5AA

This event is an opportunity for family lawyers, social workers and other professionals working with families to consider their own practice and learn about other possible approaches to children in separated families resisting contact with one of their parents. Rather than just accepting this reluctance to see a parent, this session explores possible reasons and solutions.

Our speakers will present on the topic of Children Resisting Contact with the help of excerpts from a wonderful Dutch documentary film: Rewind – my parent’s divorce. The film is a retrospective of filmmaker Frénk van der Linden’s family separation 40 years before, after which his parents never met up again.The two children were alienated from their mother during their teens. The story is told entirely through Frénk’s interviews with his separated parents and there is a surprise ending.

At each stage in discussing this true story the participants will be asked to consider what they might do better to resolve the situation and assist the children and parents.

SPEAKERS: Nick Child, retired Child Psychiatrist and Family Therapist; Pat Barclay, Child and Couple Separation Counsellor and Family Consultant with Consensus Aberdeen.

click here to obtain tickets for this event in November 2016-http://www.fnfscotland.org.uk/news/tag/parental-alienation

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Assessing parenting capacity

What is parenting capacity? A simple definition is: “the ability to parent in a ‘good enough’ manner long term” (Conley, 2003). According to a survey of practitioners’ perceptions of ‘good enough’ parenting, there are four elements:

 meeting children’s health and developmental needs

 putting children’s needs first

 providing routine and consistent care

 acknowledging problems and engaging with support services.

From the same survey, risky parenting was associated with:

 neglecting basic needs; putting adults’ needs first

 chaos and lack of routine

 and an unwillingness to engage with support services (Kellett and Apps, 2009).

click here to download the complete 15 page document:- factsheet-assessing-parenting-capacity

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/information-service/factsheet-assessing-parenting-capacity.pdf

Posted in Is Love Enough?, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Is Love Enough?

When lay people and professionals alike talk about dysfunctional families, often the question arises: Did the mother love the children? Or, did the father love the children?

Parental love is a very complicated emotion. If a parent compulsively looks after their children’s health, insisting they eat only organic food, and natural vitamins, is this a form of love? How about if a parent makes a child come home after school and forbids any socializing until the studies are completed to her satisfaction–because this way the child will get into Harvard. Is this love? If the parent is looking after the child’s best interests, then arguably their actions reflect love. But where is the line drawn? Some parents say to their children: “Everything I did, I did for you–fed you, clothed you, put a roof over your head–all of it for you.” While probably an exaggeration, there is still a bit of truth here. Was there love? Perhaps. One can sometimes find a small measure of love in narcissistic parents (see, e.g., Do Narcissistic Parents Love Their Children?).  “I love you because you reflect well on me” may still be love, however sullied. (One might argue that love in the service of selfish needs is not really love–but the line between selfish and unselfish love is a fuzzy one indeed if you consider “selfish gene” theory, and the fact that even normal parents have a “healthy” amount of narcissism.) Furthermore, the tears a mildly narcissistic parent sheds when their child dies may be, at least for the moment, real.

 

read the full article here:-http://www.voicelessness.com/loveenough.html

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Adult Children of Narcissistic, Psychopathic, and Borderline Parents

Nothing is sadder or more destructive than not getting your needs met as a child because your parents were pathologically disordered. Narcissism, socio/psychopathic, antisocial or borderline are just four ways that your parents could have been pathologically disordered. There are a number of other ways and diagnosis as well.

But the fact remains that so many children raised by pathological parents (whom are often also addicts) grow up seeing the world through the eyes of the pathological. We call that ‘the pathological world view.’ No matter how you cut it, children are influenced, for the good or the bad, by the parents who raise them. That’s because we largely come to see the world, ourselves and others through their eyes. If they are healthy and normal people–that view of others and ourselves is a good thing. If they are dangerous and pathological, the view of others and ourselves could be a bad thing.

There are a number of aftermath effects of pathological parenting that you may have recognized in your own life–choices, patterns, feelings, behaviors that have negatively influenced your life.

  • You may be plagued with self-doubt
  • Low self-esteem
  • Chronic caregiving of others
  • A total disregard for your own needs or self care
  • You could battle depression or chronic anxiety
  • Or fight nagging pessimism about your future or the world around you
  • You might be dangerously naive never trusting your own instincts and being constantly taken advantage of
  • You could have eating disorders, sexual addictions/other sexual disorders
  • Or obsessive compulsive behaviors
  • You could medicate your feelings with drugs or alcohol
  • Or find abusive religious affiliations to take up where your pathological parents fell away
  • You may have emotional intimacy problems or jump from relationship to relationship fearing abandonment or being alone
  • Or you may engage in what they now call ‘sexual anorexia’ — the forbidding of yourself to ever be intimate or loving with someone else

While you may ‘understand why’ your parents behaved like they did or you are engulfed in compassion and pity for their illness, the rubber meets the road at the point where your needs went so chronically unmet that you now have your own emotional problems because of what you didn’t get at those crucial developmental points of your life. Compassion, pity, forgiveness and understanding about their disorder only goes so far as it doesn’t help you get what you never got from the most important people in your life.

Today, your choices in relationships can be largely influenced from pathological parenting. Picking dangerous and/or pathological men for relationships is often a devastating side effect of pathological parenting. Growing up learning how to normalize abnormal behavior is a set up for accepting pathology into all areas of your life—your boss, your friends, your partners. Becoming aware of your relationship choices is a good first start but may NOT be the only intervention you need in order to grieve your childhood losses and stop trying to fix pathologicals by having intimate or parenting-type relationships with them. You can’t fix your own pathological parenting deficits through a relationship with someone else. That can only be done one-on-one with yourself.

If you are sick of self sabotaging your own life, relationships, career, success and future because of what you might not have gotten in your childhood, there is help and hope. You don’t have to be a slave forever to your past.

Join us for the ‘Adult Children of Narcissistic, Psychopathic and Borderline Parents’ support group. If you are ready to make healthy choices you didn’t have the skills for before, then contact us for jump start on your recovery.

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/adult-children-of-narcissistic-psychopathic-and-borderline-parents

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Surviving the Narcissistic Parent

Adult children of narcissistic parents (ACoNs) know a special type of emotional abuse in being raised by narcissists. (Biological mothers, stepmothers, biological fathers, and stepfathers can be N parents.)

Before we discuss the special case of narcissism, please note that not every emotionally abusive parent has the narcissistic personality disorder. In some circumstances, an emotionally abusive parent who is not a narcissist can change and improve his or her parenting.  The same is not true for the narcissistic parent, however. Every narcissistic parent is an emotional abuser.

A narcissist is a person who has the narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called dramatic personality disorders. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, and a distorted self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is further characterized by an abnormal love of self, an exaggerated sense of superiority and importance, and a preoccupation with success and power.” (Cleveland Clinic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Though people often refer to someone vain as a “narcissist,” NPD is far more destructive, sneaky, and layered than mere vanity. The Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists specific traits of NPD.

  • An exaggerated sense of one’s own abilities and achievements.
  • A constant need for attention, affirmation and praise.
  • A belief that he or she is unique or “special” and should only associate with other people of the same status.
  • Persistent fantasies about attaining success and power.
  • Exploiting other people for personal gain.
  • A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment.
  • A preoccupation with power or success.
  • Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of him or her.

(The DSM is a manual used by clinicians and psychiatrists to diagnose psychiatric illnesses. It’s published by the American Psychiatric Association and categorizes mental health disorders of adults and children.)

Other traits psychologists have mentioned (in addition to the official list above) are…

  • Exaggerating  one’s achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with every single plan and idea she has
  • Requiring constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Being easily hurt and rejected if someone doesn’t agree with his or her every thought and command
  • Reacting to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
  • Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others

read the full article here:-https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Revised Stages of Grief for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Acceptance: We have to accept first that the parent has limited love and empathy to give, or we cannot allow ourselves out of the denial and learn how to feel our feelings. Acceptance is the first step in recovery, after you realize the problem.

Denial: As children, we had to deny that our parents were incapable of love and empathy so we could survive. A child yearns for love above all else, and we needed the denial to keep growing and surviving.

Bargaining: We have been bargaining our whole life with the narcissistic parent, both internally and with them. We have been wishing and hoping that they will change, that they will be different the next time we need them. We have tried many things over the years to win their love and approval.

Anger: We feel intense anger and sometimes rage when we realize that our emotional needs were not met and that this neglect has affected our lives in severe, adverse ways. We feel angry with the parent and ourselves for allowing patterns to develop and for being stuck.

Depression: We feel intense sadness that we have to let go of the hope for and the vision of the kind of parent we wanted. We realize that they will never be as loving as we want them to be. We feel like orphans or un-parented children. We let go of all expectations. We grieve the loss of the vision of these expectations.

During the grief process, you will bounce around through all the stages, back and forth. Don’t move on in recovery until you solidly accept that your narcissistic parent has these limitations. For only then can you properly grieve. If you find yourself not accepting, go back and work on it again. It is the prerequisite for the work to come.

Expect that guilt will rear its ugly head. You are working through a big cultural taboo to embrace this work. Journal your feelings, talk to close loved ones, and take care of self as you process through the grief and acceptance work. March bravely in your recovery and find others who want to join your band.

read the complete article here  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201205/it-s-all-about-me-recovery-adult-children-narcissist

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Making the Decision to Seek Therapy

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What Is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is the practice of spending time with a trained therapist to help diagnose and treat mental and emotional problems. Therapy can take various forms—cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or a combination of these—but at the center of each is the caring relationship between a mental healthprofessional and a patient.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/therapy