Deceiving the Child about the Targeted Parent’s Feelings in Order to Create Hurt, Resentment, and Psychological Distance

Many of the participants were told that the targeted parent did not love them or want them. “She said he didn’t love nobody but himself. He didn’t care about us.” (36) Another participant said, “That’s another thing my mother told me was that my dad didn’t want anything to do with us boys. He just walked away from us.” (34) One woman said “She told me that my father wasn’t my friend at all, that he had contempt for ‘a lout like you.’” (12) Another was told, “I was not important to him. His other kids came first. I was last on his list.” (39) In many cases the alienating parent actually engineered situations to make it appear as if the targeted parent did not care and then used that very situation to convince the child that the parent did not love them. For example, one mother threw away letters the father was sending and then asked her daughter to explain how her father could love her if he did not even bother to write. Other parents refused to accept phone calls, moved away without providing contact information, and told the targeted parent that the child did not want to see them. Because the alienating parents eliminated communication with the targeted parent and controlled all information, the participants had no means with which to question the veracity of what they were being told. Eventually, they capitulated under the weight of the “evidence” and concluded that the targeted parent did not love them after all, further fueling their hurt and resentment. In addition, once they accepted this as “fact,” the alienating parent became even more important to them as their sole source of parental love, support, and care. In cults the use of black/white and us/them thinking promotes the belief that anyone outside the cult is necessarily wrong and/or does not really love or care for them (Tobias & Lalich, 1994).

read more http://www.icsahome.com/articles/the-cult-of-parenthood-a-qualitative-study-of-parental-alienation

2 thoughts on “Deceiving the Child about the Targeted Parent’s Feelings in Order to Create Hurt, Resentment, and Psychological Distance

  1. Reblogged this on Madison Elizabeth Baylis and commented:
    Many of the participants were told that the targeted parent did not love them or want them. “She said he didn’t love nobody but himself. He didn’t care about us.” (36) Another participant said, “That’s another thing my mother told me was that my dad didn’t want anything to do with us

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