Posted in Parental Alienation Outcomes, Parental Alienation PA

The gift of our wounds

The adult alienated child, if able to see the truth of their childhood, faces the daunting task of holding the alienator accountable. Ideally, adults in the child’s life would have handled this task long ago, if not stopping the alienator, at least making it more difficult for him. But in the unfortunate trauma that is parent alienation, it is often the targeted, alienated parent who is made into the villain, not only by the alienator, but also by the other people who surround the child. The disgrace fallen upon the out casted parent can be shockingly insidious.

I can recall sitting outside with my sister and a neighborhood friend about a year or two after my mother was cast out of my life. We were young children, and one of us brought up the subject of my mother, a very rare occurrence. Our neighbor, a little girl of about six years old, said “I remember she used to give us whole bottles of coke”. She was referring to the individual bottles of coke. It wasn’t what she said that spoke volumes, but the tone in which she said it, implying that she was a bad, irresponsible mother. My sister, our paternal grandmother, and perhaps the girls’ mother, had gotten this little girl on board the hate wagon.

This influence spread far and wide and each time I was witness to it, I remained silent. I only had four years with my mother; how could I prove to anyone that she was good? I was a child when she disappeared from my life, and I was led to believe it was irresponsible abandonment. I did not believe this, but how does a young child explain that their heart tells them otherwise, while living in an atmosphere that forbids such declaration?

They don’t.

I didn’t.

It is up to me to finally, after decades, to confront my father without backing down again. I need to approach him with the possibility for forgiveness, but with the confidence and knowledge that I have now.

No one else is going to do it.

Not even my mother, who was robbed of her children. Despite her undying resentment toward him, she does not have the courage, strength, or desire to ever speak to my father again.

Not my sister who still feels very protective of my father, akin to Stockholm syndrome.

Not my stepmother who does not know the truth because she does not want to know it. She has been enabled to remain obliviously unaware of the past.

But here is the good news about being the one who must hold him accountable.

I get to stand up to him, realize my own courage and speak my own truth, and fully heal my own wound.

I will no longer wonder what he will say if I mention my newfound, albeit fragile, reconnection with my mother. There it will be, my words giving voice to what should never have been taken away.

I dare him to question this, is what I feel now. I dare him to tell me I’m wrong.

I get to reclaim my birthright, my authenticity, my power.

I get to free myself.

And forgive.

Memories of an Alienated Daughter

Unhealed trauma muffles the inner impulses that guide your authentic brilliance to fully emerge.

In order to disrupt the faulty systems, we have to be willing to withstand criticism and disapproval from others while rooted in the greater vision that motivates us.

-Bethany Webster

***

The adult alienated child, if able to see the truth of their childhood, faces the daunting task of holding the alienator accountable. Ideally, adults in the child’s life would have handled this task long ago, if not stopping the alienator, at least making it more difficult for him. But in the unfortunate trauma that is parent alienation, it is often the targeted, alienated parent who is made into the villain, not only by the alienator, but also by the other people who surround the child. The disgrace fallen upon the out casted parent can be shockingly insidious.

I can recall sitting outside with my sister…

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Posted in Parental Alienation PA

At least 10,000 children a year receive no “active police response”

Missing kids are being placed at “terrible risk” of grooming and sex gangs because of a “dangerous” police recording system, MPs warn today.

At least 10,000 children a year receive no “active police response” when they vanish, according a parliamentary inquiry.

Children who disappear are classed as either “missing” or “absent” – but officers only search for youngsters in the first category, a report reveals.

And police call handlers are pressured by senior officers to record kids as absent – limiting the need for police to hunt them, MPs were told.

The All Party Parliamentary Group for Runaway and Missing Children and Adults today calls for the “hit and miss” system, which was introduced in 2013, to be scrapped.

At least 10,000 children a year receive no “active police response”

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

New children and social work bill

The children and social work bill, included in Wednesday’s Queen’s speech, promises key changes for children’s services. Under the bill, adoption would be prioritised over short-term foster care placements, and a new care leavers’ covenant would be introduced to provide young people leaving care with better support.

http://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/may/18/children-social-work-bill-queens-speech

 

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

VIRTUAL ABUSE

  • 24 per cent of 13 to 18 year olds suffer online trolling
  • Four in five have seen or heard online hate in last year
  • Three quarters of 10 to 12-year-olds use social media despite the age limit of 13. 49 per cent use Facebook and 41 per cent use Instagram
  • One in ten 16 to 19-year-olds know someone who has engaged in a potentially illegal online activity
  • Almost half of 10 to 18-year-olds say social media companies don’t take bullying seriously enough

Data: Kaspersky Lab, BBC Newsround, UK Safer Internet Centre

VIRTUAL ABUSE

The Fightback

  • So where does the law stand on virtual abuse? ‘The law says that a crime online is also a crime offline,’ says Neate. ‘There are offences of stalking and harassment that can be used to prosecute perpetrators of cyber abuse. A new criminal offence called “coercive control”, which we expect to come into force this month, will also be useful for these types of crime. [But] we believe the police still need more and better training in order to make the best use of the powers that they have.’
  • The social media community also needs to take responsibility, Neate says. ‘If you suspect someone is being cyber- abused by a partner, don’t minimise the abuse because it’s “only” happening online. A Women’s Aid survey into online abuse found that a third of threats made online were carried out in real life.’
  • Neate adds, ‘Keep as much evidence as you can by taking screen grabs of comments or images. Report the abuse to Facebook, Twitter or whichever service is being used, and call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 200 0247 for advice.’ For more information and support visit womensaid.org.uk

VIRTUAL ABUSE

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Ignoring family ties: is it really best for children?

’ll never forget the anguish I felt when I waved goodbye to the children I hadfostered for nearly three years. Tess and Harry, gorgeous blonde-haired, brown-eyed siblings, came to stay with our family when they were both less than 18 months old and left when they were almost ready for school.

I was so anxious the day I was introduced to their adopters that I burst into tears before we even shook hands. It was the relief as much as anything else; the eagerness on their faces and kindness in their eyes reassuring me the siblings would be safe in their arms.

The day before the introductions, I took the little ones to have their hair cut. “I’m meeting New Mummy and Daddy tomorrow,” Tess told the hairdresser, bobbing around in her chair. The children clung to me and cried when I told them they were moving on and they were still a little withdrawn, but there was intrigue there as well.

Ignoring family ties: is it really best for children?

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Take control of your own healing — my child within

Originally posted on COURAGE: Every healing journey is unique to each person. No journey should be judged, minimised or discounted. Whether it is childhood abuse, emotional, sexual or physical abuse, domestic abuse, grief, a single trauma or multiple traumas, nobody has the right to criticize someone else’s journey. If you have compassion and maybe share…

via Take control of your own healing — my child within

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Father longing for access to his beloved child There is NO Family in Family Law — World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.

 

Father is asking for access and Justice. A parent forced to protest, seeking access to their children. Apparently access to the children is to often a privilege what is not granted by the narcissistic ex. Ex’s who are withholding the children from the natural bound and love of a father and alienating the child from […]

via Father longing for access to his beloved child There is NO Family in Family Law — World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Looool how true xoxo — The Story of my Twin Boys Oliver and Oscar Ferreira

via Looool how true xoxo — The Story of my Twin Boys Oliver and Oscar Ferreira

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

The gift of our wounds — Mother Erased: a memoir

Unhealed trauma muffles the inner impulses that guide your authentic brilliance to fully emerge. In order to disrupt the faulty systems, we have to be willing to withstand criticism and disapproval from others while rooted in the greater vision that motivates us. -Bethany Webster *** The adult alienated child, if able to see the truth […]

via The gift of our wounds — Mother Erased: a memoir

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

London Recognises Parental Alienation: Update from the debate — | truthaholics

Originally posted on Karen Woodall: The first of its kind? London legal people gather to listen to the Parental Alienation debate at Withersworldwide. Last night was a bit of a turning point in the politics of parental alienation, or so it seemed to me. From where I was sitting on the panel, alongside Dr Mark…

via London Recognises Parental Alienation: Update from the debate — | truthaholics