Posted in Adult Children Of Psychopaths, Alienated children psychopathic parent, Are there psychopathic children?, Definition Of Psychopath, Educating the public on psychopathic personalities, How to Spot a Pro-Social Psychopath, Parental Alienation PA

If Your Ex Wants To Be Friends, They Might Be A Psychopath

If you’re going through a tumultuous breakup and your otherwise hostile ex insists on “being friends,” science is here to give you a little tough love: Run in the opposite direction.

According to a new study, some people with the so-called “dark triad” personality traits — like narcissism and psychopathy — keep their exes around for strategic, self serving reasons.

read the full story here:- If Your Ex Wants To Be Friends, They Might Be A Psychopath

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Estranged from Your Adult Child? | Empowering Parents

Being estranged from adult children can be a confusing and painful experience. Here’s why kids distance themselves and five things you can do about it.

Many times, however, estranged parents are left in the dark trying to figure out what went wrong. And while it’s common to pin the reason for the estrangement on everything from money issues, to personality conflicts, to divorce or difficult family dynamics, when you are in the dark, the easiest target to hit is yourself—to believe that you “failed” as a parent.

But here’s the reality: you didn’t cause the relationship to be severed; it was not your choice. Although you may have contributed to the tensions between you, you are not responsible for your child’s choice to cut you off.

Shutting a person out is a response to anxiety and fusion. Your actions or lack of action didn’t cause this. Cutting off is a way people manage anxiety when they don’t know a better way. The love and caring is there; the ability to solve differences is not.

Many adult children struggle with their parents, or with money issues, etc., but not all of them cut ties with their parents. Why do some cut off while others go through similar struggles and stay connected?

 

Source: Estranged from Your Adult Child? | Empowering Parents

Posted in Child abuse: Parental mental illness, learning disability, substance misuse, and domestic violence, Domestic abuse includes psychological abuse, Parental Alienation PA

Supporting the campaign for safer child contact

Key issues raised by research on child contact and domestic violence

Dr Ravi Thiara and Dr Christine Harrison Centre for the Study of Safety and Wellbeing University of Warwick 2016

Existing research provides strong evidence that in making arrangements for child contact when there is a history of domestic violence, the current workings of the Family Justice System support a pro-contact approach that neglects the safety needs of children and women, and the impact on them of previous or continuing domestic violence. This frequently exposes children and women to further violence, causes them significant harm, and prevents their recovery. For a substantial number of children, the privileging of men’s rights to contact over children’s welfare negatively affects every aspect of their wellbeing and development. The individual and societal costs are unacceptable. In the UK there have been conflicting developments in safeguarding children and women. It is widely acknowledged that, whilst criminal justice responses have improved, the law, policy and practice in relation to child contact arrangements following parental separation remain dominated by models that marginalise the impact of domestic violence. Studies reveal that concerns about children’s safety and the effects of men’s violence are routinely overlooked, in voluntary as well as court ordered arrangements. Indeed, it has proved inordinately difficult to improve safety, with serious implications for the health and development of children and their mothers. This promotion of fathers’ involvement in children’s lives at the expense of safety considerations (MacDonald, 2014) has perpetuated what Thiara and Humphreys (2015) describe as the ‘absent presence’ of violent men in the lives of children and women. More than anything, the presumption that contact is beneficial for children, unless proven otherwise, has been shown to be incredibly harmful for some children (Women’s Aid, 2016). The UK is a signatory of the Istanbul Convention (see http://www.humanrights.ch/en/standards/cetreaties/violence-against-women). This extends the commitments of European countries in combating domestic violence and its impact on children and women. Article 31 of the Convention requires member countries to strengthen legislation relating to visitation (contact) and custody (residence). Quite specifically, the Convention establishes an expectation that incidents of violence against the non-abusive parent will be taken into account by judicial authorities when determining arrangements for children i.e. contact orders should not be issued without taking into account the impact of domestic violence on children and women, and no arrangements should be made which jeopardise the rights and safety of a child or mother. This highlights a further contradiction in the UK government’s stance; although the UK is a signatory to the Convention, it has not yet been ratified.

read the full article here:-Safe not sorry

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Fathers 4 Justice – Ex-Apprentice star jailed for denying child access to father

Source: Fathers 4 Justice – Ex-Apprentice star jailed for denying child access to father

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Alienators as Cult Leaders and your Children as Cult Members – Some Insights

lonelyparent

I stumbled across an article by Doni Whitsett and Stephen A. Kent about what can happen to families involved in cults. (A link to the article can be found at the end of this post.) It was written for therapists, to help therapists understand the experiences of clients who had been cult members. It is not about parental alienation, but since parental alienators behave like leaders of their own little cults, I recognized many of the problems the authors describe occurring in my family, and maybe you will too. Quotations from the article are in red, and my comments follow in black.

The controlling demands of leaders minimize and often eliminate emotional connections among family members that might compete with members’ loyalties toward them.  The controlling demands of the alienating parent minimize and/or eliminate connections with you.

By their very nature, cults cannot afford to have [… independently functioning individuals]…

View original post 750 more words

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

years have passed…

lonelyparent

A long time has passed since my last post. Three and a half years! That post was part one of two, but before I return to part two I will give you a quick update.

My children are all still severely alienated. I didn’t realize how much I had expected that to change, and consequently how sad I became when it didn’t. Although writing this blog has been very satisfying, especially when commenters expressed that it helped them understand their own situations better, I just kept procrastinating because it was too painful.

I know, and I have repeatedly written, that patience is key, and to not lose hope, and that as long as the alienator has frequent access to your children (or sibling, as the case may be) that it is not realistic to expect them to be able to resist. I knew it, and yet I still let myself nourish…

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Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Lost this battle…but not discouraged

lonelyparent

My dream was that when my kids came to live with me again they would see that I was not who the alienator told them I was, they would open their minds & hearts to me, the alienation would end, and we would live happily ever after. This did not happen. I did not imagine that the alienator, their dad, would end up living a 5 minute walk from my door, and that the kids would see him virtually every day. Essentially today I provide a hostel or dormitory, and they do all their living with him. Well, not all. They do spend time in their rooms, bring friends over, and hang out with each other, but they keep their interactions with me to the absolute minimum, while they have meals and hang out and socialize with their dad.

The easiest way to understand it is to imagine that they…

View original post 419 more words

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

When I was an (Adult) Alienated Child

lonelyparent

I’ve been working on a post about when I was alienated, as an adult, from my parents. I’ve been writing for weeks, it’s way too long and it’s still not finished. I really want to remember accurately and convey clearly how I was convinced to hate people I had always loved and who did not deserve hate at all, and how I maintained that irrational hatred.

I’ll follow up with the details later, but here is a summary:

What caused the alienation? Nothing my parents did. It was completely, 100%, caused by my ex demanding that I reject them.

Why did I comply? I loved him. I wanted his love. I wanted to believe in him. I wanted to keep my family together. I wanted to maintain a happy relationship with him for my children’s sake. I felt I had no choice.

How exactly did he get me to…

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Posted in Parental Alienation PA

I was an Adult Alienated Child – LONG version!

lonelyparent

This post is long. I describe how and why I became alienated from my parents, and how and why the alienation ended. I write about how about the alienation distorted my thoughts, behaviour and feelings – how it felt hating people I used to love. Although the particulars of this story are unique, you can extract much that will be applicable to your situation. I hope it will give you some insight into how your alienated child thinks and feels. I will offer some suggestions about how to interact with your alienated child based on my experience.

As an adult, I was alienated from my own parents and siblings for about five years. It’s painful for me to remember how horribly I behaved, and painful and embarrassing to face the reality that I was brainwashed, or allowed myself to be brainwashed. I’ve thought a lot about my own experience…

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Posted in 10 Parental Alienation Fallacies:, 3 Hidden Weapons of Parental Alienation, 3 keys that make parental alienation so powerfu, 4 Forms of Borderline Personality Disorder, A closer look at Parental Alienation, A GUIDE TO THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME, Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation PA

Risks to Professionals Who Work With Troubled and Alienated Parent-Child Relationships

Working with children who have irrationally rejected a parent is an emerging area of practice with unique risks. The dynamics that drive false allegations about a parent also drive accusations against professionals who participate in a process to reunify the children with that parent. This article discusses protective measures to reduce risks of false accusations, character assassination, harassment, and violence. Recommendations are offered for organizations charged with investigating complaints. Agencies that do an inadequate job of handling such complaints may harm the public by driving innovators from the field and reducing the availability of programs that have helped many families.

Risks to Professionals Who Work With Troubled and Alienated Parent-Child Relationships