FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Once upon a time there was a very ordinary naive young girl of 18 who met a handsome young man 2 years older.
The young girl came from a loving family and had a very comfortable upbringing. The young man came from a very poor family, but despite their differences they fell in love.
The young man asked the young girl to marry him very soon after they had met! They young naive girl accepted the proposal and they married and had a beautiful golden haired little boy.
Even though they did not have much money they managed to buy a house and life was wonderful.
The young man had a responsible job and went to work while the young women stayed at home and doted on her beautiful baby boy.
Friends and family went to the house to see the new baby boy with gifts, but the young man sent them away and told the young women that they were not her friends and that her family did not care about her.
The young girl accepted what he said because after all he had married her, loved her and their baby boy!!!!
A year passed by and the young man wanted to move away from the area to somewhere new. The young women discovered she was to have another child. They moved to another house several miles away from their families which made life very difficult without a car.
The young women noticed that her husband did not want anyone to see her, especially as she was very large and pregnant and so he began going out socially on his own with his man friends leaving the pregnant young women alone, at home with no car, friends or family.
The young women did not mind because she knew deep down that her husband loved her because he told her all the time.
Soon a beautiful golden haired baby girl was born and the young women was very happy to have 2 beautiful golden haired healthy children.
Life went on and they moved a few more times, had wonderful holidays together with the children and did all the things normal people do.
The young man did not like the young women to have friends, so she kept herself busy home-making but felt she needed more in her life, after all she did have a good job before she met her husband.
As the children grew up she noticed that her husband would tease her little boy and call him “mummies little golden boy” and whisper things to their daughter, which made the daughter not taunt her mother.
The young man did this often and the dynamics of the relationship began to change. The young man lost his job and started acting irresponsibly and hanging out with undesirable people and other women.
They very rarely went out together and the young women thought the young man was no longer handsome when she looked at him. The love she once felt started to diminish and she wanted to be independent and go back to work.
This was forbidden and the fairy story started to turn into a nightmare.
The young women became very depressed and felt she had 3 children and no husband. After witnessing many affairs, drink and drugs, as she was only 34 she decided that would start a new life.
The man did not like this and thought his wife should stay with him no matter what. The women was no longer naive and did not want her children raised witnessing this behaviour!!! So she divorced him very quickly.
They all lived in the house even after the divorce and the nightmare became horrendous, like some horror movie until eventually the women was forced out and had to move away.
The women moved to a strange land where she knew no one,she lived alone without her children or any of her belongings. She was very lonely without her children and wrote to them every day. She tried to call them but was forbidden to speak to them. Her life was miserable and she just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
One day she woke up in the strange land and decided she had to start a new life, a new beginning. She went back to England and lived with her mother who gave her lots of encouragement and support.
The women was no longer weak, she had become strong and tried desperately to get contact with her children. She went to court several times, she had social workers involved, she sent letters, cards and tried to call her children but every time she was blocked.
She met another kind handsome man and they fell in love and started a new life together. Once again she was happy and life was good and maybe one day it would be complete if she could have contact with her children.
It was not to be, her children had been stolen from her and her ex husband continued to play mind games but she was stronger than ever now and managed the situation well.
Her new husband had 2 lovely children who she became very fond of and they all had wonderful family holidays together in America and Disney. Happy times once again.
She went for that job she had always wanted and progressed up the career ladder. Her confidence grew and grew.
Her new kind handsome partner asked her to marry him, so off they went to Las Vegas for a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon.
She could not believe she could be so blissfully happy again, in a totally different non controlling way. She had no doubts that her new husband loved her very much, he was happy for her to have friends and loved her family too, as she did his.
One day almost 9 years later (18 years old) her daughter all grown up went to the house where they lived. They got to know each other once again, but they had to keep it a closely guarded secret because her father would be very angry if he knew.
They went shopping together, but every present that was purchased had to be hidden away from her father.
The young girl told her mother that her upbringing had been very sordid and sad and many bad things had happened to her and her brother whilst living with their father.
She had been terrified to mention her mother or the past.
She could not remember any of the nice things, holidays etc as all the family photos including the ones of themselves had been destroyed by their father.
The daughter moved to Spain and married someone who had lots of money and looked after her.
During this time the son also went to the house where his mother lived, he had been living in Australia.
She could not believe what was happening after waiting for so many years. Her son was now an adult and was almost a stranger to her.
Unfortunately he had the same tale to tell as his sister, and he too had to be very careful what he told his father.
He said sorry to his mother for what had happened and promised that it would never, ever happen again!!!!!!!!!!
He lived in the house with his mother and her new husband for over 5 weeks until he was eventually asked to leave by the new husband, after all he was in his late twenty’s and quite capable of getting a job.
The son moved out and bad mouthed the mother and her husband even though they had looked after him for over 5 weeks. His father had told a lie and said it was not possible for the son to stay with him because his parents where at his house.
The mother and her husband checked this out, just another lie!!!!
So it started again with her son after ten years.
The mother and her husband went to live in France to leave it all behind.
The daughter had a gorgeous baby boy in Spain.
The mother went to see her eventually after the baby was born.
She was under strict instructions never ever to let her father know that she had been to her house in Spain. Every gift and every photo had to be hidden away. The mother absolutely loved being a grandmother but thought it was a shame that she could not share her joyful news in case the father got to know. It was a closely guarded secret.
The daughter promised her mother that she would never ever let the same thing happen again and understood exactly what had happened once she had a baby of her own!!!!
The grandmother spent many happy years visiting her daughter and grandson in secret. Spain, Australia and then back to the UK.
They even had a wonderful holiday in Florida and Disney together when the grandson was only two.
The grandmother had her daughter and grandson in her life and was blissfully happy.
She had a wonderful husband, 2 lovely step children, her own daughter and grandson in her life – what more could she want.
The daughter, husband and grandson went to France for Christmas and met her other grandmother for the first time in many, many years.
Later on the daughter left her husband and went to France with her son for Christmas and New Year.
Her father created a huge drama back in the UK, called the Hertfordshire Police and told them some bizarre story and the phone never stopped ringing throughout Christmas and the New Year. The daughter was encouraged by her mother and husband to speak to her own husband and return to the UK with their son and sort things out. The daughter’s father told her to go to a women’s refuge when she returned to the UK.!!!!! The daughter went back to her husband.
The daughter and grandson went to France again the following summer and had a wonderful time.
She still wanted to leave her husband and started making plans.
Totally out of the blue, after the daughter’s birthday, 7 days later after returning from France the mother was blocked on all social media – Facebook, email, phone etc.
Abuse about the mother was posted all over facebook but the mother could not respond as she had been blocked. A family member had seen the abuse and was horrified that such lies should be posted on facebook!!!!
The mother could not believe what was happening in her life again!!!
She had done nothing but love her children and grandchild and wanted nothing but the very best for them.
She had forgiven the ex husband for all the grief and heartache he had caused, not only to her but also to her children over the many, many years.
FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.
After much soul searching she tried once again to understand why and how all this had happened in her life.
She would not rest until she had some answers. If she could not get the answers from her own children she would look elsewhere.
In August 2014 she discovered a closed group on Facebook called “Parents Healing from Estrangement” and met many others like herself.
They all had one thing in common.
There were many questions, opinions and heartbreaking stories.
She decided to create a website and gather as much information together as she could find and post it on the website alongside her own story, so she did not have to keep repeating it over and over again.
The website grew and grew alongside the closed group on Facebook, she met many friends and read many true stories and articles. She contacted many doctors and experts and started to understand.
At last – 26 years later – she had the answer she had been looking for.
She felt a little sad, but relieved and happy that she could finish this chapter of her life and continue to be complete and happy in the knowledge that she had done everything she possibly could to retain contact with her children/grandchildren.
She now accepts her situation and is now planning ahead for 2016, new projects, new life.
She will live happily ever after with her loving husband.