Family estrangement is the physical and or emotional distancing between at least two family members in an arrangement which is considered unsatisfactory by at least one involved party. Family estrangements can be attributed to any of several factors within the family, such as attachment disorders, differing values and beliefs, disappointment, major life events or change, parental alienation, or poor communication. In one typical scenario, an adult child shuns his or her parents and possibly other family members as the adult child transitions into adulthood. In another scenario, an intolerant parent might cast out an adult child because of life choices. In either case, the family estrangement may create an intergenerational rift that persists for decades and replicates itself in subsequent generations
This edited volume is written by and for mental health professionals who work directly with alienated children and their parents. The chapters are written by leaders in the field, all of whom know how vexing parental alienation can be for mental health professionals.
No matter how the professional intersects with families affected by alienation, be it through individual treatment, reunification therapy, a school setting, or support groups, he or she needs to consider how to make proper assessments, how to guard against bias, and when and how to involve the court system, among other challenges.
The cutting edge clinical interventions presented in this book will help professionals answer these questions and help them to help their clients. The authors present a range of clinical options such as parent education, psycho-educational programs for children, and reunification programs for children and parents that make this volume a useful reference and practical guide.
Once upon a time there was a very ordinary naive young girl of 18 who met a handsome young man 2 years older.
The young girl came from a loving family and had a very comfortable upbringing. The young man came from a very poor family, but despite their differences they fell in love.
The young man asked the young girl to marry him very soon after they had met! They young naive girl accepted the proposal and they married and had a beautiful golden haired little boy.
Even though they did not have much money they managed to buy a house and life was wonderful.
The young man had a responsible job and went to work while the young women stayed at home and doted on her beautiful baby boy.
Friends and family went to the house to see the new baby boy with gifts, but the young man sent them away and told the young women that they were not her friends and that her family did not care about her.
The young girl accepted what he said because after all he had married her, loved her and their baby boy!!!!
A year passed by and the young man wanted to move away from the area to somewhere new. The young women discovered she was to have another child. They moved to another house several miles away from their families which made life very difficult without a car.
The young women noticed that her husband did not want anyone to see her, especially as she was very large and pregnant and so he began going out socially on his own with his man friends leaving the pregnant young women alone, at home with no car, friends or family.
The young women did not mind because she knew deep down that her husband loved her because he told her all the time.
Soon a beautiful golden haired baby girl was born and the young women was very happy to have 2 beautiful golden haired healthy children.
Life went on and they moved a few more times, had wonderful holidays together with the children and did all the things normal people do.
The young man did not like the young women to have friends, so she kept herself busy home-making but felt she needed more in her life, after all she did have a good job before she met her husband.
As the children grew up she noticed that her husband would tease her little boy and call him “mummies little golden boy” and whisper things to their daughter, which made the daughter not taunt her mother.
The young man did this often and the dynamics of the relationship began to change. The young man lost his job and started acting irresponsibly and hanging out with undesirable people and other women.
They very rarely went out together and the young women thought the young man was no longer handsome when she looked at him. The love she once felt started to diminish and she wanted to be independent and go back to work.
This was forbidden and the fairy story started to turn into a nightmare.
The young women became very depressed and felt she had 3 children and no husband. After witnessing many affairs, drink and drugs, as she was only 34 she decided that would start a new life.
The man did not like this and thought his wife should stay with him no matter what. The women was no longer naive and did not want her children raised witnessing this behaviour!!! So she divorced him very quickly.
They all lived in the house even after the divorce and the nightmare became horrendous, like some horror movie until eventually the women was forced out and had to move away.
The women moved to a strange land where she knew no one,she lived alone without her children or any of her belongings. She was very lonely without her children and wrote to them every day. She tried to call them but was forbidden to speak to them. Her life was miserable and she just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
One day she woke up in the strange land and decided she had to start a new life, a new beginning. She went back to England and lived with her mother who gave her lots of encouragement and support.
The women was no longer weak, she had become strong and tried desperately to get contact with her children. She went to court several times, she had social workers involved, she sent letters, cards and tried to call her children but every time she was blocked.
She met another kind handsome man and they fell in love and started a new life together. Once again she was happy and life was good and maybe one day it would be complete if she could have contact with her children.
It was not to be, her children had been stolen from her and her ex husband continued to play mind games but she was stronger than ever now and managed the situation well.
Her new husband had 2 lovely children who she became very fond of and they all had wonderful family holidays together in America and Disney. Happy times once again.
She went for that job she had always wanted and progressed up the career ladder. Her confidence grew and grew.
Her new kind handsome partner asked her to marry him, so off they went to Las Vegas for a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon.
She could not believe she could be so blissfully happy again, in a totally different non controlling way. She had no doubts that her new husband loved her very much, he was happy for her to have friends and loved her family too, as she did his.
One day almost 9 years later (18 years old) her daughter all grown up went to the house where they lived. They got to know each other once again, but they had to keep it a closely guarded secret because her father would be very angry if he knew.
They went shopping together, but every present that was purchased had to be hidden away from her father.
The young girl told her mother that her upbringing had been very sordid and sad and many bad things had happened to her and her brother whilst living with their father.
She had been terrified to mention her mother or the past.
She could not remember any of the nice things, holidays etc as all the family photos including the ones of themselves had been destroyed by their father.
The daughter moved to Spain and married someone who had lots of money and looked after her.
During this time the son also went to the house where his mother lived, he had been living in Australia.
She could not believe what was happening after waiting for so many years. Her son was now an adult and was almost a stranger to her.
Unfortunately he had the same tale to tell as his sister, and he too had to be very careful what he told his father.
He said sorry to his mother for what had happened and promised that it would never, ever happen again!!!!!!!!!!
He lived in the house with his mother and her new husband for over 5 weeks until he was eventually asked to leave by the new husband, after all he was in his late twenty’s and quite capable of getting a job.
The son moved out and bad mouthed the mother and her husband even though they had looked after him for over 5 weeks. His father had told a lie and said it was not possible for the son to stay with him because his parents where at his house.
The mother and her husband checked this out, just another lie!!!!
So it started again with her son after ten years.
The mother and her husband went to live in France to leave it all behind.
The daughter had a gorgeous baby boy in Spain.
The mother went to see her eventually after the baby was born.
She was under strict instructions never ever to let her father know that she had been to her house in Spain. Every gift and every photo had to be hidden away. The mother absolutely loved being a grandmother but thought it was a shame that she could not share her joyful news in case the father got to know. It was a closely guarded secret.
The daughter promised her mother that she would never ever let the same thing happen again and understood exactly what had happened once she had a baby of her own!!!!
The grandmother spent many happy years visiting her daughter and grandson in secret. Spain, Australia and then back to the UK.
They even had a wonderful holiday in Florida and Disney together when the grandson was only two.
The grandmother had her daughter and grandson in her life and was blissfully happy.
She had a wonderful husband, 2 lovely step children, her own daughter and grandson in her life – what more could she want.
The daughter, husband and grandson went to France for Christmas and met her other grandmother for the first time in many, many years.
Later on the daughter left her husband and went to France with her son for Christmas and New Year.
Her father created a huge drama back in the UK, called the Hertfordshire Police and told them some bizarre story and the phone never stopped ringing throughout Christmas and the New Year. The daughter was encouraged by her mother and husband to speak to her own husband and return to the UK with their son and sort things out. The daughter’s father told her to go to a women’s refuge when she returned to the UK.!!!!! The daughter went back to her husband.
The daughter and grandson went to France again the following summer and had a wonderful time.
She still wanted to leave her husband and started making plans.
Totally out of the blue, after the daughter’s birthday, 7 days later after returning from France the mother was blocked on all social media – Facebook, email, phone etc.
Abuse about the mother was posted all over facebook but the mother could not respond as she had been blocked. A family member had seen the abuse and was horrified that such lies should be posted on facebook!!!!
The mother could not believe what was happening in her life again!!!
She had done nothing but love her children and grandchild and wanted nothing but the very best for them.
She had forgiven the ex husband for all the grief and heartache he had caused, not only to her but also to her children over the many, many years.
FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.
After much soul searching she tried once again to understand why and how all this had happened in her life.
She would not rest until she had some answers. If she could not get the answers from her own children she would look elsewhere.
In August 2014 she discovered a closed group on Facebook called “Parents Healing from Estrangement” and met many others like herself.
They all had one thing in common.
There were many questions, opinions and heartbreaking stories.
She decided to create a website and gather as much information together as she could find and post it on the website alongside her own story, so she did not have to keep repeating it over and over again.
The website grew and grew alongside the closed group on Facebook, she met many friends and read many true stories and articles. She contacted many doctors and experts and started to understand.
At last – 26 years later – she had the answer she had been looking for.
She felt a little sad, but relieved and happy that she could finish this chapter of her life and continue to be complete and happy in the knowledge that she had done everything she possibly could to retain contact with her children/grandchildren.
She now accepts her situation and is now planning ahead for 2016, new projects, new life.
She will live happily ever after with her loving husband.
Hello REACH, can you help to reach MSF? They seem like got communication breakdown public agency and refuse to admit MSF or their registered VWOs are facilitating hiding of minor in Singapore WITHOUT court order. Are they Parental Alienation Terrorist collaborators? Did you missed out on my similar complaint feedback postings since many many many months?
Hello REACH, do you also have hearing problem as a public agency or you are practicing #onlyhearthegoodstuff or REACH is a mouthpiece of the government and not a earpiece. Earpiece not working?
Rubbish public offices or VWOs facilitating parental alienation kidnap hide minors in Singapore. MSF Facebook block feedback from the public, only hear compliments, only hear the good stuff, not the truth?
MSF, you still have not given a satisfactory written reply to me and disclose which MSF branch (the officer in charge) or the name of the VWO (social worker in charge) that are facilitating individual to conduct PARENTAL ALIENATION TERRORISM and hiding of my child since November 2013?
MSF, MSF registered VWOs, NCSS or social workers are PARENTAL ALIENATION TERRORISM facilitators, revoking father’s right custody access care control WITHOUT court order, facilitating Spouse-A to PARENTAL ALIENATION KIDNAP HIDE ADDUCT ISOLATE ALIENATE children from Spouse-B at unknown location since Nov 2013, not the truth?
Welcome to #antimarriageclub until family law marriage law women’s charter reformed. Let’s go viral. #ParentalAlienationSingapore #NotYourRightSingapore
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others? All genders are equal, but some are more equal than others?
Father is not a visitor. Father is not a weekend babysitter. Father is not a friend that visit on holidays. Father is not a check book.
Parental Alienation is act of terrorism hooliganism children kidnapping child abuse child brainwashing.
Prosecute and lock up all the Parental Alienator, their collaborators: the public officers and social workers that facilitate Parental Alienation Terrorism.
Question from anon – They said they had read some of my postings on the website and should get rid of it because its only hurting me.
Here is my response.
“The online posts/articles/information are to help others out there who are going through the same.
There any many thousands of people going through it who don’t have any help or support. Some people are just at the beginning, but I am 25 years down the line and have learnt to live with it and if I can use this knowledge to help others and give them support I will continue to do so.
By helping others it helps me. I have always used this philosophy throughout my life and when things are going bad I try to help other people less fortunate than myself, which helps me realise things are not so bad after all.
No I am not hurting, just disappointed that I cannot see my grandson, but then if I lived on the other side of the world I would not see him, so no difference really.
They are missing out not me, my life is still the same as it has always been.
No bank of Mother to go to, no babysitting, no help with the children – I think it affects them more than me!!!
I am use to it after 25 years, it’s very new to you.
You cannot sweep it under the carpet, keep quiet and pretend it’s not happening, I have done that for many years and it does not help. Now I can come out in the open with it and share my experience and help others, it is much better for me.
Forgiveness is the key, if you can forgive all those involved the pain goes away. This does not mean I will ever forget. I do not want revenge, I am not bitter or sad, if this were the case then I would not be able to discuss it without getting emotional.
Bad things happen in everyone’s life and it happens for a reason, so we can learn!!!!!!!
I am not ashamed, I have done nothing wrong and there’s no need to keep quiet about it.”
Stephanie could never have imagined the nightmare that lay ahead when she agrees to leave England and move to Australia with her Australian husband.
Unaware of his double life and the secret plans he has made to isolate her from her family and friends, she is duped into leaving everything she knows, thinking they are embarking on a new start together. But in Australia her husband changes into a controlling stranger before suddenly disappearing, leaving her unaware of the devious plans he has made.
Staying completely invisible he begins a terrifying campaign to force her into such a desperate situation that she will sign everything they own over to him; leaving her destitute and with no way back to England. He nearly cripples her in a boating incident and tampers with her car, forcing her to drive across three lanes of peak hour traffic to avoid a collision. He even destroys her credibility in the eyes of her family. When Stephanie still refuses to give in, he recruits someone else to carry out his plans under the cover of darkness.
Living in the shadows and forced to sleep in her car, Stephanie slowly begins to turn the tables. Then she comes face to face with a staggering revelation that turns her nightmare into reality.
About the Author:
Nina S. Wornham grew up in the Lake District of England and currently lives on the edge of the Cotswolds. She is also writing a novel titled A Devious Truth. Darker Side of the Sun is based upon her own real-life experiences.
Publisher’s website: http://sbpra.com/NinaSWornham
1991 My children stayed with me until after the divorce until the financial settlement.
1992 – My ex husband went for residency order for each child on their twelfth birthdays, I was encouraged to go along with this by a so-called long-term local friend who said it was for the best, so my ex husband would be able to take them holiday without always asking for my permission.(They never got to go on holiday in all the years they lived with him) Unknown to me the so-called friend was sleeping with my ex!!
He used the residence orders in court to make claim over the house. My ex then moved back into the marital home (after the divorce) claiming that he should not sell the house and make a financial settlement as he needed the house to live with the children. This horrendous situation continued for another 6 months with all of us sharing the house, and my ex husband and the children shouting abuse at me. I was forced out after 6 months by him and my children.
1993 – After nearly suffering a nervous breakdown I moved away to Switzerland to try to start a new life and career as I had no children, money, home, husband or career.
3 months later I returned to find all the letters I had sent to my children via a friend had been opened and left in her home and shown to my ex husband. Every letter, birthday and Christmas card had been kept from my children. This was when I discovered the friend had been sleeping with him throughout.
I moved back in with my mother at 34 years old and started temping work locally along with college and some computer courses. Within 1 year I had been offered a full-time well paid job and had a boyfriend. I continued to try to contact my children but was refused by my ex husband to go anywhere near the marital home.
I had 8 years of hell with my children spitting at me, calling me names,and much worse. I was even shot at whenever I approached the house to try to see them. They were not allowed to see any of my relatives in case they told them the truth.
The social workers involved were totally useless and my ex even managed to pull the wool over their eyes. I have had brief spells with my children over the years (6 weeks with my son) (8 years with my daughter) where they confirmed my worst suspicions over their childhood. They were both frightened to mention my name or speak to me because their father would make their life hell – they both told me this in the short space of time I have spent with them. They did not have the family outings or days out that their friends had, they both admitted that their childhood was very sad and lonely.
I managed to save enough money to buy my own house. I was promoted to higher position at work which involved a lot of international travel. My relationship developed and I moved in with my boyfriend who lived quite close to my ex husband and children who I could observe from a distance. Luckily I have a great relationship with my husband’s children which continues. I started my own business and bought a new convertible car – not bad for someone who was going to end up in the gutter without my ex!!!!!!!
When the children reached the age of 18 I finally managed to receive a financial settlement. After 8 years of fighting in the courts my total solicitors bill was an astonishing 33,000 pounds!!!!! This was paid from the proceeds of the house sale (as I had been on legal aid) and very little left.
I am now retired and enjoying life in France (9 years) We visit the UK as often as we can to enjoy my husbands children’s and grandchildren and to spend some quality time with my own family, mother, brother and sister and my handsome nephews and their children.
My own children are now in their mid 30’s and it goes on!! Even with my grandson they are still controlled by a manipulative father.
I speak out in the hope that it will bring awareness and things may change in the future.
It’s too late for me now, many lost years.
Lets hope things improve so others can enjoy being a parent or grandparent, like they deserve.
Here’s to change!
Is your child stuck in the middle of a high-conflict divorce? In Getting Through My Parents’ Divorce, two psychologists and experts in parental alienation offer a fun and engaging workbook to help kids work through stressful or confusing emotions and feel safe and loved—no matter what.
Divorce is never easy. But for kids who have parents in conflict with one another, or where one parent is so hostile that he or she is actively trying to undermine the kids’ relationship with the other parent, divorce can be unbearable. This workbook is designed especially for kids, and includes helpful tips and exercises to help them deal with the negative impact of custody disputes, understand and identify their feelings, learn to cope with stress and other complex emotions, and feel secure.
Written by two leading experts in child psychology, this easy-to-use workbook includes a number of helpful suggestions to guide children though a number of possible scenarios, such as what to do if one parent says mean and untrue things about the other parent; what to do if a parent asks them to keep secrets from another parent; or what to do if one parent attempts to replace the other parent with a new spouse.
If you have or know a child that is dealing with a difficult divorce, this workbook will give them the tools needed to move past loyalty conflicts and the difficult emotions that can arise when parents don’t get along.
Dealing with an obsessed alienator
The term obsessed alienator is a description of a pattern of behavior and is not a diagnosis.
Parents dealing with an obsessed alienator often feel at the end of their ropes with frustration, anger or rage, hurt, and may feel powerless.