Surviving Parental Alienation!!
After 23 years of ongoing Parental Alienation I have learnt a thing or two!!
I have written a few of the things that have helped me on my way to recovery (which is an ongoing process).
I hope this article will help a few of you out their to move onwards and upwards with your survival of PAS.
First of all please, please do not punish yourself. Do not go over and over what you may have done wrong in your mind, torturing yourself and berating yourself for something which is out of your control.You may be feeling like it is the worst thing that someone could possibly ever do to you in your lifetime. But hey, sh** happens!!
Unfortunately very sad uncontrollable things happen throughout our lives, Divorce, Illness, Losing a loved one, financial crisis etc. No one can measure the distress, torment, anguish, sadness etc we experience when going through these tragedy’s, but we survive!!
For me I dealt with the Parental Alienation situation the same as I would for any of the above, I worked through it.
Some of the things you can do to move forward and heal are:-
Talk to a relative, friend, doctor or counsellor, join a support group – You have not done anything wrong.
Speak out – keeping it to yourself and keeping it a secret is like saying – “I am ashamed of myself and cannot discuss it”.Believe me, I kept quiet for many years and it does not help or improve things, it just enables the alienator to carry on regardless without anyone knowing or being aware of whats happening. It’s no different to child abuse, keeping quiet wont stop it!!!!
Stay away from negativity. People who treat you like you are not a good parent, forums and online communities where everyone feels sorry for themselves and they wallow in self-pity.
Avoid Toxic people who just want to blame. Books and journals that delve into what you have done wrong! You have done nothing wrong, it is just another one of those
unfortunate things that happen’s in life and you will survive it!
Take counselling, hypnotherapy or join a support group – letting it out and sharing your experience is the best therapy available. Once your realise you are not alone, and you are not going to die, or have a nervous breakdown, you can start to heal. When you do any of these things you start to look at your situation in a different light which will hopefully help you to move on and enjoy your life once again without ear of alienation.
When the healing process starts then you can really start living again. Spoil yourself, be indulgent, go on that holiday, take up that new hobby you have always wanted to do, go and get pampered.
I found that I discovered many hidden talents and started to look at life from a different perspective when the healing process began.
It took some time but I am a survivor!!!