Posted in Alienation

Foundations: Recovering your Children

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

My book, “An Attachment-Based Model of Parental Alienation: Foundations” is on its way.  I’m anticipating it will be available June 1 on  It will fundamentally alter the dialogue surrounding the construct of “parental alienation.”

It defines the construct of “parental alienation” from entirely within standard and established psychological principles and constructs. 

It fully and completely describes the psychopathology. 

It fully and completely describes the complex and manipulative communication processes by which the narcissistic/(borderline) alienating parent induces the child’s rejection of the other parent. 

It fully and completely describes the core pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) personality that is creating the pathology of “parental alienation.”

Everything is explained.  Everything.

In the final three chapters, I turn to professional issues. In this discussion I provide a broad overview of diagnosis, treatment, and professional competence.

Attachment-based “parental alienation” is defined as psychological child abuse that REQUIRES the child’s protective separation from the pathogenic…

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Posted in Alienation

The Citadel of Establishment Mental Health

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

You will need mental health as your ally in order to defeat the pathogen of “parental alienation” and rescue your children from the pathology that has captured them and destroyed your lives.

As long as the mental health response to the pathogen of “parental alienation” remains so deeply inadequate and flawed, then there will be no solution. The legal system will be unable to act with the decisive clarity necessary to protect your children as long as the mental health system remains frozen in unproductive and irresponsible internal debate between entrenched and intransigent factions.

“Parental alienation” is not a child custody issue; it is a child protection issue.

The debate within mental health is about to be brought to a close.

Within an attachment-based reformulation of the “parental alienation” construct, it is the professional obligation of mental health to identify the severity of the pathology expressed in “parental alienation”…

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Posted in Alienation

The Time is Now

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

Let the trumpets sound to rouse the warriors from their slumber. Let the drums of battle bring courage to our hearts. The battle comes. The time is now. Come bring your banner to the battlefield and join us, the time for our battle has arrived.

The pathogen sees us and it is evaluating our threat. It has sent its minion skirmishers out to test our mettle, and it has felt our resolve.

We will not waver, we will stand and fight with steadfast determination because we fight for your children. And when this battle day is finished, the minions of the pathogen will lie at our feet and your banners will fly from the citadel of establishment mental health. This is the battle to reclaim mental health as your ally, for you and your children. The citadel of establishment mental health belongs to you, not to the pathogen. Take it…

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Posted in Alienation

Empty Mess: Distant Daughter

As shown by our post earlier this week, “Empty Mess: Distant Daughter,” being rejected by your adult kids can make you feel like a failed parent. If you do the recommend assessment of your own parenting and fulfill your own guidelines, however, you can continue to act like a good parent no matter how badly you’re treated. You just have to do the following:

  1. Assess Your Parental Job Performance

Ask yourself whether you’ve done a reasonable job as parent—not perfect, just reasonable, because doing your best, not the best, is any good parents’ goal. You can’t control whether your kids like you, just whether you do the job as best you can.

  1. Put On A Positive Face

When your kid finally graces you with his or her company, don’t share anger or hurt. Keep it friendly while showing interest and confidence in your own role. If you know you’ve done your best to parent him or her, then you have nothing to be angry about or ashamed of.

  1. Don’t Appear Naggy or Overeager.

It’s hard to be around somebody cloying, whether they’re a parent or not, so keep the pressure off. And if they want to burden you with guilt, blame, or undeserved demands or obligations, stop the conversation as quickly as possible.

  1. Accept Distance

If you can’t keep your cool around your kid during the few visits they do allow, use media that allow you to edit out anger, hurt and over-eagerness, such as text and email. Just make sure not to overdo it.

  1. Don’t Ask Why

Instead of obsessing about went wrong with your relationship with your child, remind yourself that many things you don’t control can damage that relationship, no matter how good a parent you are, and that it takes a super-parent to remain positive and firm in the face of heartbreak. You may not always be close, but you will always be there for your child as his or her parent.

Posted in Alienation

Shared Custody

There are numerous questions surrounding shared custody. What is it? How does it work? And how is it different to contact (as visitation is called these days)?

In many instances, residence (custody) is granted to the mother, and you, as the father have your contact rights set out. With shared custody, your children split their time between their mother and you. The amount varies – it can be as much as 70% with the mother, for instance – but it means you have much greater contact with them. It presumes, of course, that both the mother and father are fit parents.

UK Lagging Behind

It’s an idea that has widespread popularity in Europe, and in the U.S. it’s becoming more common, although the UK has lagged behind in adopting it.

Shared custody demands a high level of commitment from both parents. If you’re going to have your children for three days a week, then during that time you have you need to make sure your schedule revolves around them.

The Advantages of Shared Custody

Shared custody, shared residency or shared parenting as it’s also known, can offer several distinct advantages, both for parents and children. For separated fathers, it means they can be far more involved with their children, seeing them on a regular, extended basis every week. Moreover, it also means that neither parent is carrying the entire burden of parenting while the other is considered absent.

With standard Contact Orders, one parent has the majority of responsibility for the day-to-day routine, while the other – usually the separated father – sees the children at the weekend or selected weekdays.

Shared custody means your Children Have Two Homes, two stable bases where they can feel secure. Above all, it means they continue to have a real family life with both parents, which makes them feel more loved.

Research has determined that when children have experience of shared custody they have better relationships with both parents and are more satisfied with their lives. It’s also shown that even when there’s strong animosity between the parents, shared custody works well for the children.

The Disadvantages of Shared Custody

For shared custody to work, you have to live fairly close to you ex, for your children to continue to attend the same schools, see their friends, and so on. This can create social problems for the parents, since proximity means an increased chance of contact with your Ex Partner.

Also, if your job or circumstances change and you have to move elsewhere, then the change from shared custody to contact can create emotional problems for your children (the same can apply if your ex has to move for any reason). In other words, by its nature there has to be a certain amount of flexibility in the plan.

Shared Custody in the UK

At present, shared custody/residency is not the norm in Britain, although several organisations are trying to increase its visibility and prominence. The Shared Parenting Information Net and the Equal Parenting Council are both working to make it a very acceptable option here.

Just because it’s not necessarily the norm, does not mean you can’t bring up the idea in Mediationor through your solicitor as a viable means of custody. In most instances, children are also given a say in where they spend their time, and where they have excellent relationships with both parents, it means they’re not in a position where they have to “choose” between Mum and Dad.

What Next?

Why not have a read through our article on Making Joint Decisions About Your Child’s Future for some advice and guidance on how you and your ex partner can make parenting decisions together.

Posted in Alienation

Share Your Story In The Book, “I Am Free” About Surviving Narcissistic Abuse And Help Heal Others

Source: Share Your Story In The Book, “I Am Free” About Surviving Narcissistic Abuse And Help Heal Others

Posted in Alienation

Help for my broken heart & yours? Keep reading.

Moms’ Hearts Unsilenced, I can really relate to this story, I am in the same situation with both my children and grandchildren. How sad that these people are in such a dark place they try to drag everyone down with them instead of seeking help!! Just think how many peoples lives they could change for the better, including their own instead of creating misery and destruction. If every alienated parent wrote a letter to an alienated child explaining the devastating effect alienation has on everyone, I wonder if we could change the mindset of the alienated child/adult child!!!!