Posted in Alienation

Karen Woodall – A year in the world of parental alienation

Another major theme of our work will be the impact on children of being alienated and how that can be recognised by professionals and others working with children.  My work with alienated children this year has allowed me the privilege of working with a wide age range of children, the youngest being four and the oldest being 19 (out of court).  All of these children have helped me to learn more about what it is that creates the resistance and rejection as well as what is necessary to help children change.  From the little girl who told me that her daddy was just the worst person who ever lived, to the twins who told me that they had been poisoned by their mother whilst they were growing inside her, all of these children have shown remarkable similarities in their coping mechanisms and defences as well as distinctly different needs for support to change.  As I have worked with these children and young people I have been able to observe their individual struggles to reorganise their beliefs about the parent they have rejected and their experience of emergence from alienation.  For some that emergence has been immediate and I have been witness to that gone in a puff of smoke moment, whilst for others the emergence has been a gradual thawing, begrudging at times but slowly warming up to the point where the resistance drops and the smiles return. I have also been witness to the terrible, horrible tragedy of the child so abused by a parent that their mental health has been damaged beyond immediate repair, where the allegiance to the also mentally unwell parent has been so strong that change has been impossible. Witnessing this leaves me cold with frustration and despair, especially when the loss of the child has been compounded by the incomptence of the professionals surrounding the family.

But to end this post  on a high note, this year I have also been working with some remarkable professionals in partnerships which have brought swift and significant change for children. Across the land we have been partners and players in teams where change has been brought about by the careful and diligent work of alienation aware professionals. Demonstrating that where skills and awareness are high, dramatic and powerful change in dynamics can be delivered to liberate the child and protect relationships going forward. In the months ahead this too is where we will be placing our focus and doing more of what works to bring change for children.

We have done much this year to bring about change but there is so much more to do. We will be back in the Autumn with our launch of our new site and book as well as interviews with parents and advice on developing alienation aware parenting skills.  You will also have chance to book on the first of our series of webinars and sign up for our self help forums. I will tell you more about that when I return in September.

Until then, thank you all for reading and commenting on this blog and I hope you will follow us as we migrate over to our new site. You will still be able to read my thoughts and ideas about all things to do with equality and family separation here but all of our focus on alienation will be over at our new home where we will look forward to welcoming you.

Thank you to all of you from all over the world who are regular readers, your comments and views and your encouragement and support have helped us to keep on keeping on.

I will look forward to being back in September.

the the full article on https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2015/08/28/a-year-in-the-world-of-parental-alienation/

Posted in Alienation

This interview is focused upon the experience of alienation and aims to raise awareness

This interview is focused upon the experience of alienation and aims to raise awareness of the appalling impact of living with the loss of a child. Others will focus upon understanding, coping and healing and will be based upon the book which will also be ready for launch in September.

Please be warned that this podcast is incredibly powerful in terms of the reality of living with the loss of a child through parental alienation. This mother has lived with the loss for a long time and has done some amazing work in the face of that loss to raise the awareness of the problem globally. We are grateful to her for sharing her experience and we stand with her in her continued determination to stay healthy and well so that when her children are freed from the psychologically and emotional abuse they have suffered, she will be in a good place to help them to heal.

As you listen you should be aware that this is an ordinary mother, this case is an ordinary case. These children were in a loving relationship with their mother and they were systematically turned against her by a determined and vengeful father. As such this is something that could happen to anyone, mother or father, should they have children with someone who is unwell, angry or stuck in a pattern of revenge. In this case the court had no power to do anything to change the children’s mindset, even though their mother begged for help when it was clear that her youngest child was also being alienated. The court is no place for families like this, where mental health experts are needed and clear understanding of the intolerable pressures upon children in some separated families are urgently required.

This is not something that is happening to someone else, if you are going through family separation, this could happen to you. Spread the word, make people listen to this, let’s begin to raise the stakes so that what is happening to our children in the family courts all over the world is heard and understood.

It is time to be the change we want to see in the world of family separation.

https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2015/08/26/living-with-the-state-aided-loss-of-a-child-this-could-happen-to-you/

https://soundcloud.com/living-losses/150425-005-edit

Cloud 11

Posted in Alienation

Living with the state aided loss of a child: this could happen to you

Source: Living with the state aided loss of a child: this could happen to you

Posted in Alienation

A CHILD LAW QUESTION AND A ONE-FAMILY-BREAKDOWN-FILE RULE (Part 1)

Source: A CHILD LAW QUESTION AND A ONE-FAMILY-BREAKDOWN-FILE RULE (Part 1)

Posted in Alienation

Question on Adult PA

Parental Alienation: When alienated children remain alienated into their forties, what should the targeted parent do? Walk away because it’s too late?  Reach for a relationship more assertively?  Acknowledge birthdays and holidays while continuing to wait for them to have an epiphany?
EDIT:  Given that the initial answers were so inappropriate, this background info has been rewritten.  If you don’t believe alienation of children can happen; if you don’t believe one parent can and does alienate his/her children from their other parent, then there’s probably no point in answering.  Such disbelief takes the discussion in a direction that isn’t helpful.  Also know that the information that follows is NOT one side of a two-sided story.  There is only one side to alienation.  There is only what the perpetrator did to the children and the other parent, as all are severely damaged by said alienation.  This is because no mistake in the world that a parent can make justifies anyone interfering with, and destroying, the parent-child bond and relationship.  Nobody ever has that right.

In this instance, the bond between the children and the alienating parent was so strong that their loyalty to that parent’s agenda has continued 4 1/2 yrs. beyond the parent’s passing.

Nothing the target has done or not done has made a difference.  But, now that over 28 yrs. have passed and this alienated parent is aging fast, there needs to be one last attempt to repair this damage and rebuild some kind of relationship with the alienated parent.  These children have been through hell and are living in a kind of hell, but don’t know it.  They’re still so focused on hanging onto the disdain in their hearts that they seem completely unaware of the damage that’s been done to them.  If they were asked why they’re doing this, I’m not so sure they’d be able to answer.

They may believe that it’s all about the alienated parent’s mistakes….as if none of the other parties involved ever made a mistake.  But, as noted above, no mistake justifies anyone interfering with, and destroying, any parent-child bond and relationship.  And no one has the right to define someone by their worst moment.  If a parent is a serious jerk or bad guy, aside from physical, sexual and/or serious psychological abuse that endangers the children, they have the right to make their own decisions regarding that parent.

And don’t think for a moment that this parent isn’t aware of what these children have been put through, the kinds of painful things they were expected to do, the compromising of their values and principles in order to mistreat a parent.  It’s the same pain a parent experiences when unable to control what’s happening to a child that’s been kidnapped, because, in the case of alienation, these children’s minds have been kidnapped.  And our language doesn’t have a word to describe that kind of pain.

The son has said that his parent is too well-liked, so he couldn’t do bad things.  His logic fails miserably in light of how well-liked Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy were.  But, that’s how desperate he is to believe this parent did right by him.  Since they can’t face the truth about the alienating parent’s actions, they’ll parrot what the alienating parent has said or they will use any fabrication they can create no matter how ridiculous or impossible it sounds in order to justify their mistreatment of the other parent.

The opposite of love is indifference….a place the alienating parent never reached.  But, the children have never made the connection that this parent was expecting them to reject a person that was still loved by that parent.

This is not a tear in a relationship between friends or siblings.  This is a parent who has one set of rights and responsibilities and children who have a different set of rights and responsibilities.  What is the best perspective for the targeted parent to have and what are the best actions to take?  What’s the perspective of the children.  Are these children waiting for the parent they’ve lied to and betrayed to do something in particular, even though they haven’t responded to previous gestures?

If so, what might it be?  Is it up to the parent to increase efforts to parent, despite the rejection and negative responses, because their actions indicate that emotionally they’re still more like children than adults?  Or, does their physical age make it too late because, if they haven’t had an epiphany by now, they never will?  And what does the son mean when he says, upon seeing a parent after ten years, that he was planning to visit in two weeks when he’d be “ready,” which actually sounded more like the old “telling-people-what-they-want-to-hear” routine…a son who, in the past, has written in letters what a great parent this person is.

Should the parent reach out to them and pretend their other parent didn’t make them part of the alienation campaign, even though it requires that 1) this parent pretend to accept blame for everything and 2) this parent joins the children in living a lie?   This parent has avoided denigrating the alienating parent this whole time but, though seriously tempted, has to admit it’s probably not a good idea to direct the kids toward looking at what was done to the them, and that pretending nothing happened and all is well (despite the 14 yrs. of PTSD and 15 yrs. of Fibromyalgia this experience has caused, along with so many unproductive, painful, very alone years), even though such performances are not something this parent is very good at pulling off.  Periodic calls are being made to the son nearby, but there’s never a response, except when he chose to answer the phone on his birthday last fall (Nov., 2014).  Do this daughter and son bear any responsibility at all for the negativity they choose to continue keeping in their lives, for the disdain they continue to harbor in their hearts?

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties in regulating emotion. This difficulty leads to severe, unstable mood swings, impulsivity and instability, poor self-image and stormy personal relationships. People may make repeated attempts to avoid real or imagined situations of abandonment. The combined result of living with BPD can manifest into destructive behavior, such as self-harm (cutting) or suicide attempts.

It’s estimated that 1.6% of the adult U.S. population has BPD but it may be as high as 5.9%. Nearly 75% of people diagnosed with BPD are women, but recent research suggests that men may be almost as frequently affected by BPD. In the past, men with BPD were often misdiagnosed with PTSD or depression.

Symptoms

People with BPD experience wide mood swings and can display a great sense of instability and insecurity. Signs and symptoms may include:

  • Frantic efforts to avoid being abandoned by friends and family.
  • Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization—“I’m so in love!”—and devaluation—“I hate her.” This is also sometimes known as “splitting.”
  • Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.
  • Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.
  • Suicidal and self-harming behavior.
  • Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.
  • Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.
  • Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.
  • Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity, or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes.

Borderline personality disorder is ultimately characterized by the emotional turmoil it causes. People who have it feel emotions intensely and for long periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally intense event. Suicide threats and attempts are very common for people with BPD. Self-harming acts, such as cutting and burning, are also common.

Causes

The causes of borderline personality disorder are not fully understood, but scientists agree that it is the result of a combination of factors:

  • Genetics. While no specific gene has been shown to directly cause BPD, studies in twins suggest this illness has strong hereditary links. BPD is about five times more common among people who have a first-degree relative with the disorder.
  • Environmental factors. People who experience traumatic life events, such as physical or sexual abuse during childhood or neglect and separation from parents, are at increased risk of developing BPD.
  • Brain function. The way the brain works is often different in people with BPD, suggesting that there is a neurological basis for some of the symptoms. Specifically, the portions of the brain that control emotions and decision-making/judgment may not communicate well with one another.

Diagnosis

There is no single medical test to diagnose BPD, and a diagnosis is not based on one sign or symptom. BPD is diagnosed by a mental health professional following a comprehensive psychiatric interview that may include talking with previous clinicians, medical evaluations and, when appropriate, interviews with friends and family. To be diagnosed with BPD, a person must have at least 5 of the 9 BPD symptoms listed above.

Treatment

A typical, well-rounded treatment plan includes psychotherapy, medications and group, peer and family support. The overarching goal is for someone with BPD to increasingly self-direct her treatment plan as a person learns what works as well as what doesn’t.

  • Psychotherapy, such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic psychotherapy, is the first line of choice for BPD.
  • Medications are often instrumental to a treatment plan, but there is no one medication specifically made to treat the core symptoms of emptiness, abandonment and identity disturbance. Rather, several medications can be used off-label to treat the remaining symptoms. For example, mood stabilizers and antidepressants help with mood swings and dysphoria. Antipsychotic medication may help control symptoms of rage and disorganized thinking.
  • Short-term hospitalization may be necessary during times of extreme stress, and/or impulsive or suicidal behavior to ensure safety.

Related Conditions

BPD can be difficult to diagnose and treat—and successful treatment includes addressing any other disorders somebody might have. A person with BPD may have additional conditions like:

  • Anxiety disorders, such as PTSD.
  • Bipolar disorder.
  • Depression.
  • Eating disorders, notably bulimia nervosa.
  • Other personality disorders.
  • Substance use disorders.

Cloud 11

– See more at: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Borderline-Personality-Disorder#sthash.nfrK9Ohs.dpuf

Posted in Alienation

Father’s Speak Out About PA

We can not ignore the impact on children who are also the victims of this malicious and self-centred vendetta. Amanda Sillars from Eeny Meeny Miney Mo Foundation recently commented about the effects on children of Parental Alienation

“This is about power, manipulation and control by a selfish often mentally unwell parent who hates their ex more than they love their own child. The mourning for the child and parent is a ongoing till the day the child is old enough to break free to love that parent. Sometimes the damage is irreversible where the child cannot bond because they have lived a life of conflicted thoughts and suppression.

Children will grow up with a distortion of reality, they will be taught harshness & cruelty and they will learn to exaggerate negative qualities. If the child is strongly influenced by the ex the child loses their ability to think or to feel for themselves. If the child is not taught to have concern for others the child will grow up to have no empathy. A child that grows up with a polarised perception will assume that anything less than perfect should be rejected.

Australia [and the world] needs legal and mental professionals to educate in this sinister, subtle, complex form of child abuse & spousal abuse. Many parents and children suffer in silence because our legal system does nothing to stop it. Some parents cannot and will not co-parent. The courts allows false allegations with no penalties, allows breeching of orders with no consequences and does not have the children’s best interests at heart.

Each man has his own methods of survival. Some that have been alienated for extended periods have found ways to ‘cope’ with what has been inflicted upon them. For all though, it is a soul destroying process of prolonged torture.

For me this year I accept that I will not have any contact from my only biological child. I know it’s not her fault. This year I am choosing to celebrate having my own father in my life. At 81 he’s not always going to be around and I want him to know that he is loved and how important he was to me growing up and knowing that he is always there for me. I know and understand the unconditional love that he has for me and I want him to know how much I appreciate all that he has done for me. It makes me very sad that he won’t see or get a card from his only grandchild though. Parental alienation is child abuse.

Whatever we do in society, we have a responsibility to care for others. This Father’s Day, please reach out to an alienated father and let him know that you care. Let him know that he’s not alone and that like all of us, he is worthy of love and connection with his children.

I will finish with this final quote.

I have not seen my daughter since she was 4, and she will soon be 17. This is the work of a malicious ex-wife and a horribly biased Judge. I was never accused of anything – they just did what they wanted and trampled on my rights, and more importantly, my daughter’s rights. I cannot recover the lost years and experiences that my daughter and I were deprived of. I know now that I will never see my daughter again. If she had died, there would have been an ending to the loneliness and anger eventually. The fact that she is still alive yet unreachable through the machinations of others is like an open wound that never heals and never stops hurting.

http://relatingtomen.com/blog/devastated-fathers-speak-out/

Posted in Alienation

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

Johannesburg – My experience in cases involving Parental Alienation Syndrome has prompted the South African YOU magazine to seek my consultation regarding an article pertaining to the subject.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the unfortunate occurrence whereby children are estranged from one parent through conditions instigated by the other parent. This often involves measures like that of brainwashing or by false accusations leveled at the other parent.

Cases of PAS are definitely on the increase in South Africa. Other attorneys in the article stated that PAS seems to be instigated as much as twice in every five divorce and custody cases. There are many ways in which PAS is incited. Some parents go as far as falsely accusing their counterparts of abusing their children, physically and sexually. Sometimes all it takes is for a parent to continually vilify the other parent in front of the children.

Warning signs of PAS include odd behavior from children. They may be hostile toward one parent, or they may use vocabulary that they are unlikely to use and can only have heard such terms from the other parent. Parents must also remember to never discuss details of divorce in front of children unless it is a measure of family mediation.

The article highlighted a recent case in the United States whereby a mother had managed to alienate her children from the father to such a degree that the children became loath to even sitting and having lunch with their father. The judge made the controversial decision of taking the children out of the situation and placing them in a juvenile detention center whereby they could receive professional help.

There are ways and measures of avoiding and dealing with cases of PAS. Make sure that you look for warning signs of PAS or ensure that you do not incite PAS because it is likely that courts will deal more severely with such cases.

http://www.thejohannesburgtimes.com/parental-alienation-syndrome-when-parents-turn-poisonous/

Posted in Uncategorized

Family to attend an inpatient treatment center to address the parental alienation

A recent divorce case in Michigan involving children who were sent to juvenile detention for refusing to spend time with their father has made headlines across the country and the world. We have written previously about this case, which you can read here. Since the last reports surfaced about the case, the judge released the children from detention, sending them to a sleep-away camp, which will recently came to an end.

Now sources close to the case say that the judge may order the family to engage in intensive therapy designed to address what many see as a clear example of parental alienation. In this case, the children’s mother is accused of engaging in a years’ long effort to alienate the children from their father. According to the father’s lawyers, the mother has poisoned the kids against him by concocting tales of verbal and physical abuse and ensuring the children remained physically disconnected from their father. The mother argues the abuse was real and that the father chose to be away, saying the children’s alienation of affection is completely justified.

The judge presiding over the divorce appears to disagree and is believed to be considering ordering the family to attend an inpatient treatment center to address the parental alienation. There are only a handful of facilities in North America claiming to treat what has been dubbed “parental alienation syndrome”. The treatment can be lengthy and require ongoing visits with therapists and psychologists, with some programs costing upwards of $40,000. The programs work by having the children spend time with the parent with whom they have been alienated. The goal is open up avenues of communication which may have closed down during the alienation process.

Children and the alienated parent are often placed in a new environment in an attempt to get the relationship to start fresh. The hope is that by starting over and by learning to talk to one another again, the relationship can begin to flourish anew. Though there are many supporters of such intensive therapy who argue that parental alienation syndrome is real and deserves serious attention in the family law arena, others are skeptical. Psychologists point out that there is no listing in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders for parental alienation syndrome and that providing therapeutic intervention for something that is not considered an actual disorder can be cause for concern. Other critics argue that children often have good reasons for feeling alienated from one parent, and that abuse is a common reason for such alienation. Such intensive therapy can thus be a way to force children into relationships with an abusive parent; something that most everyone would agree is a bad thing.

Source: “Judge seeks to reunite dad, kids who were sentenced to camp,” by L.L. Brasier, published atFreeP.com.

http://www.scfamilylaw.com/parental-alienation-news/

Posted in Alienation

TRUTH AND JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL and so will the LOVE OF A MOTHER.

As each day passes the facts become clearer and clearer for those with a sound mind…that is,

those who intentionally, repeatedly, fraudulently and maliciously deprived and still deprive me of receiving my millions of dollars from my divorce AND custody and visitations rights AND other property, contract and civil rights are headed for jail, yes jailUNLESS they decide to become reasonable and stop thinking they can use their authority to hide the truth and prevent justice.

TRUTH AND JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL and so will the LOVE OF A MOTHER.

It is against the law to commit the acts they already have and CONTINUE to commit them as any reasonable person knows.

Abuse, theft, lying, cheating, signing fraudulent documents and other fraudulent and corrupt acts will land someone in jail; this includes well-connected and wealthy people too.Ask Bernie Madoff or Jeffrey Skilling the former CEO of Enron to name just 2 examples who are in jail for their corrupt acts.

If you doubt my words, just watch as I look forward to exposing the truth and holding all the Defendants I sued accountable as a reasonable person should be looking forward to obtaining justice so they can stop other innocent children and adults from becoming their victims and being harmed.

As always none of this is legal or any other advice, it is based upon my knowledge and experience.
-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder;www.PAlienation.org

http://www.palienation.org/becoming-reasonable-or-going-to-jail-that-is-the-question/