Posted in Brainwashing Children In Parental Alienation

Brainwashing Children In Parental Alienation

Brainwashing children is a crime executed by a dysfunctional parent willing to strip children  of their self- esteem to accomplish  their own revenge against an ex-lover. Those of us impacted by Parental Alienation know that memories can be changed.  We have seen it happen. We have helplessly watched as our children’s self-identity is vengefully pulled from them, twisted, manipulated, and reprogrammed until a new person emerges that is consumed by hate.

Parents and children are both victims of mind manipulation by an ex-spouse obsessed with revenge and a burning need to assuage their injured ego.  They are motivated by avenging their sense of abandonment and their narcissistic need for adoration.

We have lived with our children and powerlessly experienced the deterioration of our loving bonds.  But, we rarely know why and how hate replaces the familial love that had always defined our relationship.  The complete reversal would seem unimaginable  if we had not suffered the pain of being victimized.  Instinctively, we know that our children have been brainwashed.  But, how? What is the mechanism or combination of mechanisms that enable one parent to accomplish such damage?

My research  combined with my personal experience has convinced me that the process of brainwashing children proceeds in a somewhat different manner than traditional methods exemplified by the model reportedly used on American prisoners during the Korean War.  These traditional methods typically require isolation of the victim combined with real or threatened violence.

These tactics are typically not used in cults; nor are they commonly used brainwashing children.  Children are inherently more vulnerable to different strategies because the abusive parent is betraying a child  who loves and trusts them. The parental betrayal is a most heinous  form of child abuse. Brainwashing children can be achieved effectively over time without the use of physical forms of coercion and control precisely because the abuse is performed by a trusted parent.

How Do They Do It?

How do parents actually accomplish brainwashing children?    Perhaps my conclusions are largely drawn from my own personal experiences. But, I have been frustrated in finding answers that address the questions surrounding the actual mechanisms typically employed by an alienator parent .  Are the tactics  conscious, overt, carefully designed attempts to manipulate or are they the result of an automatic response by  individuals with severe personality disorders who unconsciously are reacting to a highly toxic situation that is terribly threatening to their sense of self?

One thing seems certain–the offending parents seem to be devoid of empathy so they can neither understand nor be concerned about the devastation done to either the ex-spouse or their children.  They use their delusion of love for a child to destroy an ex-lover they have come to hate.

Not all children can be turned against a targeted parent no matter how hard the would-be alienator tries. So, what are the dynamics?

I have tried to identify how several significant circumstances and personality traits intersect to enable the parent actively involved in brainwashing children.  The following are my own observations and conclusions drawn from both extensive research and personal experience. I hope they help others trying to make sense when there really is none.

Programming A Child

  • A child’s brain is very malleable and the alienator is both a loved and trusted parent.  So, brainwashing children does not require isolation or violence ( although physical abuse is probably commonly involved. ) Therefore, if the parent displays the right personality traits and disorders it is fairly easy to negatively influence a child.  Some children will respond fairly quickly while for others the process may take years.  Although there may be preexisting issues between the child and targeted parent I am referring to parent-child relationships that, prior to the alienation, were very normal and loving.
  • When one parent attempts to alienate a child from the other parent, they are essentially teaching the child to hate and fear the other parent. Hatred of the targeted parent is the end goal or program. It’s like installing computer software—there are directions, procedures and instructions for how to organize information. For example, the targted parent is late for a scheduled child visitation pick-up. The programming parent comments, “A good parent who really loves his/her children would be on time.” This is a set of instructions that translates to: “Your father/mother is a bad parent who doesn’t love you.” This is a negative interpretation of what is most likely a neutral event, but the set of directions from the offending parent don’t allow for neutral interpretations like heavy traffic, a flat tire or being held up at work.
  • Divorce Poison


Currently studying Psychotherapy , Cognitive psychology, Biological psychology, Counselling psychology and CBT. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity! ≧◔◡◔≦

8 thoughts on “Brainwashing Children In Parental Alienation

  1. Such an important topic! In my own case of being an alienated child, I was just four years old when my father threw my mother out of our home (quite literally). I connected the topic of my mother w/ my father’s rage. I was terrified to ask for her or protest the separation from her. He could not handle my grief or any feelings in relation to her. But where his brainwashing fell short for me, was I instinctively knew she hadn’t stopped loving me and that she was not ‘bad’. Still, it took me well into adulthood to investigate and seek the truth.


    1. My children were 11 and 13, according to the experts the worst possible age for this to happen. Now its happening again with my grandson aged 12. The problem is when the adults or children are afraid of the alienator and not allowed, or do not have the courage to speak out for themselves. There is an interesting post I reblogged last week about alienated children continuing to love the alienated parent. It’s very encouraging and worth a read.Love reading your posts, hows the book going?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, the childrens’ fear of the alienator cannot be overemphasized. It is intense and real, even if the alienator is not using any physical force at all. I did read that post of your and did not have a chance to comment, but may revisit it…so important. My book is coming along well. I stop writing for days at a time sometimes, probably just from fear! It should be done by summer though and some related essays are being published so this should help the memoir gain momentum.


  2. I am a mother whose son lives with her. The father does this to an extreme. Almost everything he says is directed at instilling in our son that I am a bad mother. It is very insidious the way he does it. His father has a very rigid personality and psychopathic traits. Is this more common that the mother does it? I found that in court I often had to contend with an assumption that I as the woman was likely to be the alienating parent rather than the other way round. This gets extremely dangerous in domestic abuse situations where you are forced to call out the terrible parenting and bad behaviour of the father but come immediately under suspicion if you do.


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