Posted in Uncategorized

How long does Parental Alienation last?

It’s a hard question to answer. In my case it was around thirty years. I was alienated into hating a parent, though I always had contact with both of them (sometimes whether I liked it or not). I don’t fall into the category of young children who are cut off from a parent.

Having said that, all I can tell you is that the child only thinks they hate you. You might have to just wait until they grow up before they put two and two together and realise what has been done to them. If you don’t have contact with them, that’s probably what’s going to happen anyway. If you do have contact with them, the most important thing to do is remind them that you love them. The second most important is to never, EVER join in. Don’t play criticize the ex, even if you want to put out their eyelashes. As I’ve said before, find a safe outlet for anger but never let your children feel it. You’re just supporting the ex if you do. The ex ie the alienator will have told your kids all sorts of rubbish about you so by even perhaps defending yourself in a critical manner (ie, “S/he always says that but it’s CRAP. S/he’s talking crap”), you’re supporting the ex.

You’re entitled to two copies of school reports and letters home. You’re entitled to have these things sent to you directly. Offer to join the school run or clubs run. Offer to pay for a club or two. Attend everything you can and send good luck cards etc when you can’t. Give gifts/cards/letters directly to your child. The mailman will deliver but the ex may or may not.

If you can possibly avoid things getting nasty, do, even if you eat more humble pie than you think you deserve. Your kids are worth it, aren’t they?

My ex is also the child of a rotten divorce so, despite our mutual loathing for one another at first, we managed to work our relationship into something pretty decent because we were absolutely determined our offspring would not be victim of PA or even of warring parents without PA involved. It was HAAAAAAARD, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and we are not perfect, but our offspring knows where we are, that we both adore her, that we plus stepparent want what’s best for her. If I ever think he’s trying to out-gift me, I say “Wow! That’s soooo cool!!!” instead of “You’re trying to out-gift me”, although I have to say it rarely happens. We did have moments after the break up when he DID try to play the “Criticize the ex to all who will listen” but as most of those people are HIS friends and family, I learned none of it matters and put it out of my mind. He also tried it on me: he’d call me from his new partner’s parents house to loudly berate me about the offspring’s dirty feet (!). It was all posturing and I knew that and he knew I knew that so I said (with gritted teeth and clenched fists) “I’m not playing this game! Do you want to talk to the offspring?” A couple of episodes of that and he stopped. I wanted to whack him over the head with a rolled up newspaper, but it stopped.

So, back to the original question. The answer? I just don’t know. It depends on how you handle things, whether you have contact with the kids, whether your ex will calm down, the courts, all sorts of things. Just don’t engage the ex. Be as conciliatory as possible about everything, if you want your kids around. Forget your ego and your pride. Love those kids and SHOW them as much as possible. If your ex bans you from visitation, go to school plays and make sure they know you’re there. In the long run, all this will add up and they will understand, at some point, that the alienator is a liar. That you have always loved them. Set up a website or a myspace page or something RIGHT NOW so that in a year, two years, five years, whenever, they will see that you have loved them all along.

My mother put up with me despite my hatred for her. I had everything I needed while I was growing up. She and I may disagree about disciplining our children, but she never let me down, not even when I was an adult.

One thing I would change is something I mentioned previously. She stayed silent about the alienator. She never defended herself, not even wisely. She just ignored everything he said and did, and everything I said and did, so that when I was having rages, she didn’t try to get to the bottom of them. When I said “I know you don’t love me!”, she said “Don’t be silly” and walked off. DEFEND YOURSELF but don’t bitch about the ex at the same time. It’s not an impossible task. Is it?

It will end one day. I can’t tell you when. I just promise you it will. Your kids aren’t stupid. They’ll work it out.

http://parentallyalienated.blogspot.fr/2007/11/how-long-does-parental-alienation-last.html

I do hope so because mine don’t seem to have worked it out after 24 years!!!! But maybe because they have not had any encouragement from anyone. People who really care would point this out to them!!!

Love Yourself

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Parental Alienation: How much I actually loved my alienated parent

Parental Alienation: How much I actually loved my alienated parent.

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Parental Alienation: To parental alienators and alienated parents … here’s what I’m laughing about

Parental Alienation: To parental alienators and alienated parents … here’s what I’m laughing about.

Posted in PAS expert professional

Keeping your expenses down when hiring the PAS expert professional

Keeping your expenses down when hiring the PAS expert professional

Knowing how most targeted/alienated parents have been taken to the cleaners and
sometimes virtually bankrupt by the time they recognize the need for the services of
a PAS expert professional, I would like to make suggestions about how to minimize
your expenses for such services.
The PAS expert can be hired as either a case-specific expert/witness or as a generic
expert/witness. Let me clarify the differences:
The case-specific expert will need to review the entire history of your case, perhaps
including the origins and progression of your relationship with the alienating
parent. This will likely include documents spanning years and years and will be
quite costly. Additionally, independent/objective verification of case events will
need to be obtained. That is, the self-reporting of the targeted/alienated parent will
have to be substantiated by concrete and verifiable documentation. Reviewing all
court documents, e-mails, text messages, video and audio recordings, etc. will need
to be evaluated. And of course, under cross-examination, the other side will likely
ask questions about alleged events for which the expert has no knowledge and will
come as a surprise. Preparation for all anticipated allegations and events will have
to be undertaken. I can see how the reader is tabulating in her/his head the cost of
her/his particular case!

read more:- http://www.endparentalalienation.com/End_Parental_Alienation/Keeping_Your_Expenses_Down_When_Hiring_the_PAS_Expert_Professional_files/Keeping%20your%20expenses%20down%20when%20hiring%20the%20PAS%20expert%20professional.pdf

Posted in #Alienators will be alienated, Alienation, Alienation Versus Alienation Syndrome, Alienator Personality Disorders

Why I do not pathologize the alienator-

see the full article http://www.endparentalalienation.com/End_Parental_Alienation/Why_I_do_not_pathologize_the_alienator-Initially_files/Why%20I%20do%20not%20pathologize%20the%20alienator.pdf

Why I do not pathologize the alienator—-INITIALLY:
Almost as much has been written about alienating parents as has
been written about the PAS child, and the literature is, at best,
confusing and contradictory with respect to their mental status,
their motives for the alienation, their receptivity to treatment, their
ability to put the needs and feelings of their children above their
own, and whether or not it is possible to gain their collaboration in
reversing the PAS. I have found that the motivation for the
alienation varies significantly among those who engage in this
perverse activity. It is so important, therefore, to assess for the
motivations as it is sometimes possible to resolve the underlying
fears and concerns of alienators in co- parenting counseling and
then gaining their cooperation to reverse the PAS. This was the
outcome in approximately 30% of my treatment cases as discussed
in my book.
When I am referred a case by the court or by the lawyer for the
child to do treatment, reunification therapy, and/or assess for the
presence of the PAS, I do not rush to judgment in pathologizing
the parent who is alleged to be alienating. And I always attempt
treatment before making a recommendation for a transfer of
custody. Why? I have discovered in treating these cases during a
period of 17 years that, if cooperation can be gained from the
alienator, the PAS has the best chance of reversal and very swiftly
at that—–sometimes in as few as two or three sessions! However,
if the alienator refused to participate in the therapy and continued
to engage in alienating behaviors, my reunification therapy lasted
upwards of a year or more.

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Teens & Parental Alienation Syndrome

Teens & Parental Alienation Syndrome.

Posted in Talk to the Press - UPDATE

Talk to the Press – UPDATE

Talk to the press is receiving more interest than I ever imagined!!

I hope all those involved in my case have are prepared for the exposure and the lies. I have waited a long time for this.

 

comfort zone

 

Posted in Consequences of Parental Alienation

Consequences of Parental Alienation – Part 1 – Dr. Amy Baker

Alienators will alienate every member of the family who may tell the children/grandchildren the truth.

This is the case with my own children/granchildren. Grandmothers, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Step Children, Step sisters on my side and her husbands side.

How sad when a child who has many living relatives does not have the love and emotional support from those who truly love them because of someones bitterness, anger and narcissism.

Posted in PAS: Child Abuse Case Seminar

PAS: Child Abuse Case Seminar

This works if there are any photos or reminders, but in my case my daughter told me all the family photographs including the ones of when they were babies have been destroyed. My ex husband had a bonfire with every single one of them!!

Speaks volumes about the alienator. Luckily I have plenty of photos of my grandson, I have even created a website for him with photos going right back to when he was born.

I am sure he would have destroyed these too given the opportunity. My grandson needs to know the truth, I am sure he still remembers, but I am also certain that the alienators are at work brainwashing him with lies and stories. How sad to mess with a child’s mind!!!

Posted in Uncategorized

Thank you supporters of this site

Well its been a busy week, take a look at stats taken yesterday morning. We have received over 400 visitors this week so far.

what a week

 

I have had to change to the format slightly to include all of the articles you are all submitting! I hope there is something here to help everyone.

I have just retired so will be able to devote more time to the site now. Keep watching I HAVE ONLY JUST SCRATCHED THE SURFACE – plenty more to come.

Keep reading, keep submitting and don’t ever give up, we all need to support each other.

Thank you x