Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

News from the Family Separation Clinic

Karen Woodall

This week I have been working in Wales where it is said by some that parental alienation is not recognised. Far from not being recognised, my experience of working with families affected by the problem in Wales, is that in some courts the problem is acknowledged far more readily than in parts of England.  Just like in England and now Northern Ireland and in small incremental steps, Scotland too, change in Wales is coming in patches.  Having done a lot of work in Wales in 2014/15, including residence transfer, I found that understanding of parental alienation  in CAFCASS Cymru was far ahead of its English counterpart.  Fortunately England is catching up now and hopefully, with some more work, we will see a  more uniform understanding emerging across the UK.

As I move around the UK and now Europe, it is very clear that where we are successful in our interventions…

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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Flying Monkey Alert!

July 17, 2017

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by Dr. Jennifer J. Harman

Being a targeted step-parent and scientific researcher of parental alienation, I am no stranger to flying monkeys. In the Wizard of Oz, the Wicked Witch of the West used winged monkeys to drive the Wizard out of her territory, kidnap Dorothy and the cowardly lion, and tear the Scarecrow and the Tinman apart, limb for limb. Today, similar flying monkeys are frequently used by alienators to hurt targeted parents and anyone trying to advocate for them.

Unlike in Oz, where the flying monkeys were controlled by a magical golden cap, these monkeys are often motivated by anger or hatred towards the targeted parent. They could be an angry or emotionally unstable ex-romantic partner that the alienator enlists to act on their behalf; an old family friend or neighbor who had a personal slight against the targeted parent; or simply a formerly shared contact that chose the alienator’s side after the separation. The alienators meticulously feed their recruits biased, untrue, and vexatious information designed to fuel their existing anger, dislike, and hatred for the targeted parents. Thus, the monkeys accept the propaganda without second-guessing.

Other times, the flying monkeys have no direct experience of the targeted parent when they believe the alienators’ word, hook, line and sinker. These undiscerning flying monkeys attack because their own personal agendas are triggered when the alienator strategically shares certain “details” about the targeted parent. For example, the alienator may use stereotypes about parents to their advantage, telling others that a father is “abusive” or a mother is “mentally ill.”

Continue reading “Flying Monkey Alert!”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

When Hate Comes Before Children

The vindictive ex, like every other divorced person has resentment, anger and bitterness, but the difference between he or she and a normal person is, he or she has a burning desire to punish or harm their ex. In other words, they want revenge and they will stop at nothing to destroy their former spouse to “get even.”

Here are some real life examples of a vindictive ex. These are TRUE STORIES!

  1. A woman told me her ex-husband put anti-fungal cream on her toothbrush. (they were separated but still living in the same house.)
  2. Another woman said her ex-husband loosened her breaks so that they would fail. Their children were in the car with her when it happened.

  3. A man’s vindictive ex-wife is trying to make a case that her former husband sexually abused their child. She has also put it in the heads of their children. The woman was quoted as saying to her ex, “You’re going to get what you deserve.”

4. A woman’s ex husband stole her car.

  1. A woman told her children “Your father doesn’t want me or you guys anymore. He has moved on.”

The vindictive ex is a planner. A manipulator. A liar. He or she spends time scheming and concocting a strategy to destroy their ex because that is the only way they know how to deal with their hurt and anger. Here are some possible outcomes of the vindictive ex:

10-Cloud 4 (6) Continue reading “When Hate Comes Before Children”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Making sense of spousal revenge

 

Perpetrators of spousal revenge filicide kill their own child(ren)

This is typically explained by the killer’s desire for revenge against their spouse

This account does not explain how the killer’s own child can be dehumanised

A deficit in person perception may explain this dehumanisation Continue reading “Making sense of spousal revenge”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Shift Your Self-Perception

word-cloud-11. Begin your day with love (not technology).

Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.

2. Take time to meditate and journal.

Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with five minutes of meditation and five minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.

3. Talk yourself happy.

Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-criticism, move the band to your left wrist.

4. Get emotionally honest.

Let go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.

5. Expand your interests.

Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.

6. Enjoy life enhancing activities.

Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.

7. Become willing to surrender.

Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.

8. Work on personal and spiritual development.

Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.

9. Own your potential.

Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.

10. Be patient with yourself.

Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and you will see results.

11. Live in appreciation.

Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.

12. Be guided by your intuition.

All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.

13. Do what honors and respects you.

Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.

14. Accept uncertainty.

Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.

15. Forgive yourself.

Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best).

16. Discover the power of fun.

Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”

17. Be real.

Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).

18. Focus on the positive.

Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.

19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection.

Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”

20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth.

Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.

21. Seek professional help.

Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.

Because we are all interconnected, when I love me, I also love you. Together through our love, we can heal ourselves, each other, and the world. Love is our purpose, our true calling. It begins with and within each of us.

Continue reading “Shift Your Self-Perception”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Recovery, Surviving, Surviving Parental Alienation!!, Surviving the Borderline Father:, Surviving the Narcissistic Parent

Breathing and releasing grief

Here’s the most interesting part – the deeper I explored what my body held through breathwork and body psychotherapy, the more I discovered what my thoughts, beliefs and judgements really were, and the more I came to realise there is no thought without an emotional and energetic correlative in the body. None of these processes exists without a correlation in our consciousness either. Since then I’ve read the great quantum science discoveries that reflect this, and so much more, but how nice it is to feel it in the body and my relationships. Continue reading “Breathing and releasing grief”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The psychology of revenge

For most of us, acting vengefully never gets past the fantasy stage; our rational minds kick in, along with our moralcompasses, and perhaps our fear of continued reprisal. While we still may be angry, we choose instead to move on with our lives, either in full stride or with a noticeable limp. We don’t send an email to his boss about all the lies he’s told or that his expenses are bogus.  We decide against getting word to her new boyfriend about what a scheming, faithless, manipulator she is. We give up on elaborate plans like rounding up his former disgruntled clients so we can try to get him disbarred or lose his realtor license. Revenge may be sweet, as the saying going, but most of us settle for eating bon bons or perhaps buying a voodoo doll to stick pins in. Continue reading “The psychology of revenge”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What is a Narcopath?

Source: What is a Narcopath?

Posted in #Narcopath, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcopath

A Narcopath is the pop-psychology term for a person who shows all the signs of meeting diagnostic criteria for at least two of the Cluster B personality disorder classifications that are outlined in the DSM-5 manual used worldwide by mental health care workers and medical physicians to diagnose patients. The two specific personality disorder types include both Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or NPD) and Anti-Social Personality Disorder (or ASPD). Continue reading “Narcopath”

Posted in #Narcopath, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Birth of The Narcopath

The NPD constructs a false sense of self to counteract the heartbreaking treatment they received from their parent. In truth the NPD is a victim, but a dangerous one at that. It is unwise to show the NPD the pity and sympathy customarily doted to a victim, for the NPD will see this as weakness and exploit it duly.

The vacuum left by unbetrothed love in the NPD’s formative years is insatiable and unfillable. NPDs tend to be the offspring of other NPDs, or individuals with affective empathy disorders (of which there is a numerous and colourful range of diagnoses). Any love or sympathy the NPD receives as an adult serves merely as a form of ego validation, it is not sentimentally received or appreciated in the way the empath intended.

An NPD is a narcopath (a comorbid psychopathic grandiose narcissist), narcopaths do not feel empathy. A narcissist on the other hand merely has an elevated sense of self, a lack of humility if you will, but this alone does not signify an inability to sympathise. I refer to NPDs as narcopaths, for the absence of empathy customary to the NPD is tantamount to psychopathy, albeit, an egotistical variation on the phenomenon. All narcopaths are egotists, but not all psychopaths are egotists. Continue reading “The Birth of The Narcopath”