Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Countdown to Christmas

Rules for a healthy Christmas
Rule no 1. Setting healthy boundaries
Make sure to check all your contacts in social media and remove anyone the alienating parent may be using to stalk you.

Check all your contacts in messenger, whats app, skype etc and delete anyone who could cause you problems.

Remove anyone posing to be a friend but not actually being a friend.

Block any users that have several profiles under the same name, these are usually fake profiles.
Rule no 2. A healthy Christmas – Detox

Now you have detoxed your social media its time to detox your mind and body in time for Christmas.

Why not have a alcohol free week before all the Christmas festivities and try a few non alcoholic cocktails:-
Rule no 3. Don’t be alone on Christmas day

If you are unfortunate enough not to be able to see your children at all, make sure you have plenty to do and have people around you.

After 27 years of no contact (not by choice) with a couple of exceptions which my narcissist ex sabotaged by contacting Hertfordshire police with some bizarre story!!! I have learnt to be resourceful over the years.

Here are a few suggestions you could consider, its not too late to get organised:-

Rule no 4. Christmas – Therapy

Yes I know its sounds dramatic! but after dealing with toxic people for months or maybe even years, in and out of court, meetings with social workers, solicitors, lawyers etc you probably deserve some.

First go and seek advice from you regular GP and let them know what you have been going through. Hopefully if they are understanding they will refer you to recommended practitioner. You will need to make it clear that they will need to have a thorough understanding of PA.

If not, you can always contact the helpline (registered paid up members only) at NAAP for advice NAAP Helpline

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Posted in cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder, psychodynamic therapy

Rule no 4. Christmas – Therapy

Yes I know its sounds dramatic! but after dealing with toxic people for months or maybe even years, in and out of court, meetings with social workers, solicitors, lawyers etc you probably deserve some.

First go and seek advice from you regular GP and let them know what you have been going through. Hopefully if they are understanding they will refer you to recommended practitioner. You will need to make it clear that they will need to have a thorough understanding of PA.

If not, you can always contact the helpline (registered paid up members only) at NAAP for advice NAAP Helpline

Another alternative is to look through the BPS

Online resources to help you find a psychologist

Directory of Chartered Psychologists – search for a psychologist offering services to the public

List of Chartered Members – check whether a person is a Chartered Psychologist

Directory of Expert Witnesses – search for a psychologist to act as an expert witness

Register of Psychologists Specialising in Psychotherapy – Search for a psychologist who specialises in psychotherapy

Do not make an appointment to see someone before Christmas, (believe me it is very distressing dragging up events from the past and leaves you exhausted). Prepare yourself to see someone in the new year ready for a fresh start.

After the first few appointments it will be worth it, things start to look very different and you will become emotionally stronger and more able to deal with things.

Therapy

Therapy can take various forms:-

  • cognitive behavioral therapy
  • mindfulness-based cognitive therapy
  • psychodynamic therapy, or a combination of these.

But at the center of each is the caring relationship between a mental health professional and a patient.

Prepare for fresh start to have a healthier, happier new you in the new year.

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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Research on how to engage vulnerable families

Commissioning research on how to engage vulnerable families and ensure that parents get more support from local services. There will also be new guidance for schools that will address the effect of trauma on children’s behaviour. Continue reading “Research on how to engage vulnerable families”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Mental health support teams to work with schools and colleges

£215 million to introduce mental health support teams, which would be linked to groups of schools and colleges. These teams would provide direct support to children with mild to moderate mental health problems, and help to make referrals to specialist services when they are needed. They would also provide advice and support to teachers and other professionals who work with children.  Continue reading “Mental health support teams to work with schools and colleges”

Posted in Antisocial Personality Disorder, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

APD – antisocial personality disorder

While the exact cause of antisocial personality disorder is unknown, genetic, environmental, and cultural factors may all play a role in its development.

People who are exposed to childhood trauma, whose parents have a personality disorder, or whose parents had an alcohol addiction appear to be more vulnerable to developing antisocial personality disorder. It also affects more men than women.

To diagnose a person with antisocial personality disorder, the individual must show the following symptoms:

  • making decisions based on one’s own needs and desires, without considering the needs of others
  • lacking concern for the needs, feelings, or pain of others, and lacking remorse after hurting others
  • exploiting others in relationships, making it difficult to have relationships
  • using lies, domination, or intimidation to control others
  • exhibiting manipulative behavior, including using charm or ingratiation for one’s own benefit
  • exhibiting dishonest or fraudulent behavior
  • not being concerned about how others feel; some people with antisocial personality disorder enjoy sadistic behavior, such as hurting others
  • feeling hostility, anger, or aggression, particularly in response to relatively small problems
  • lacking inhibitions, which may cause a person to disobey rules, abandon their commitments, or take unnecessary risks

Continue reading “APD – antisocial personality disorder”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A genetic predisposition

genetic predisposition (sometimes also called genetic susceptibility) is an increased likelihood of developing a particular disease based on a person’s genetic makeup. A genetic predisposition results from specific genetic variations that are often inherited from a parent. Continue reading “A genetic predisposition”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Protecting the Child and Children’s Services

In all of this that you’ve just read where is the Child’s best interests? Where is the Welfare Checklist? And why has nothing changed on the ground?

Why is it that despite policies and procedures there is such a reluctance of social workers to act in the best interests of the child? Remember that the social workers we’re highlighting within children’s services across the country are the same social workers that get involved in Public Law cases. They’re the same social workers who are supposed to help Headteachers and SENCos support the children in their care. They’re the same social workers who suggest any safeguarding referrals for Parental Alienation and Emotional Harm are taken back to the Family Courts.

Why is it that yet again we see the very organisations that are supposed to protect children fail them so miserably? Is it because, as with Cafcass, that we’re looking at social workers who can’t recognise or accept when they are out of their depth with a case?

Social workers across the UK have a duty of care to the child, and NOT to the parent.

It’s time they remembered that.

If you’ve experienced incompetence by social workers from your local authority or children’s services please comment below or contact us. We’re specifically interested in hearing from parents whose children have been ignored by children’s services despite evidence showing the likely presence of parental alienation, emotional harm, emotional abuse, or neglect. Continue reading “Protecting the Child and Children’s Services”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Schools and Safeguarding

So the guidance from the Department of Education is clear on Emotional Abuse of children even if it neglects to specifically use the phrase Parental Alienation anywhere.

It’s also clear that safeguarding concerns do not fall solely under actual physical abuse, or the symptoms of emotional abuse – neglect and abuse can be hidden by children and by adults – and the guidance shows that schools should be aware of this, most especially in cases which involve neglect.

Remember that neglect covers “the persistent failure to meet a child’s basic physical and/or psychological needs, likely to result in the serious impairment of the child’s health or development” and thus a savvy and aware staff member could and should trigger this when they become aware that contact is being obstructed or other emotional abuse of the child is taking place.

Unsurprisingly the majority of school safeguarding policies that our research team gathered are very similar to each other and follow the same formula.

These policies are often (but not always) published publicly on the various school websites and you should be able to grab a copy from any of the schools in your area, or the area in which your children live. If they don’t publish it on their website a simple email or call to the school office will often get you a copy (some of the copies we obtained arrived a bit dog-eared and some weeks later after chasing but still, they arrived eventually)   Continue reading “Schools and Safeguarding”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Rule no 3. Don’t be alone on Christmas day

Rule no 1. 

Rule no 2.

Rule no 3.

If you are unfortunate enough not to be able to see your children at all, make sure you have plenty to do and have people around you.

After 27 years of no contact (not by choice) with a couple of exceptions which my narcissist ex sabotaged by contacting Hertfordshire police with some bizarre story!!! I have learnt to be resourceful over the years.

Here are a few suggestions you could consider, its not too late to get organised:-

Volunteer | Crisis | Together we will end homelessness

Crisis at Christmas is a unique volunteer effort that provides immediate help for homeless people at a critical time of year. By volunteering with Crisis this Christmas you can make a real difference to people experiencing homelessness. Applications are open for London, with other regions opening shortly.

Hospital Volunteering | Royal Voluntary Service

https://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/volunteer/volunteering-in-hospitals

Many volunteers find volunteering in healthcare is rewarding because you can see improvements in the patients you support. Our volunteers also provide are a respite from regular daily hospital life, a connection with the world outside and a friendly face to rely on.

Volunteer with us | Action for Children

http://www.actionforchildren.org.uk › How to help

Find out more about volunteering with Action for Children.

Volunteer with children and young people | The Children’s Society

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/…/volunteer/volunteering-with-children-and-you…

 Over 600 volunteers work alongside our staff to directly support vulnerable children and young people in our services. You could be one of them.
Alternatively if you don’  feel like volunteering you can always find plenty of part time jobs during the festive season.

Christmas Staff Jobs, Employment | Indeed.com

Sep 9, 2017 – Christmas EveChristmas Day, Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, active duty funerals). Must maintain a professional relationship with the Command.

Christmas jobs: Find a seasonal temp role at Argos, John Lewis, Boots …

http://www.mirror.co.uk › Money › Jobs Centre

Oct 25, 2017 – Other places that aren’t actively hiring for Christmas, but have got jobs to fill include: House of Fraser annually hires around 1,000 workers at Christmas – see careers.houseoffraser.co.uk. Currys and Carphone Warehouse are after thousands of temporary staff with a passion for tech. 

And last but not least, we all have someone living close by who will be on their own:-
Old people – Old people living on their own have a vast experience of life and have some interesting stories to tell. Well worth spending Christmas day with someone.
Divorced people – recently divorced people often spend time alone and would welcome some company or help with their children.
The list is endless. I know its tough but its just one day and its only temporary, and you may even enjoy it.
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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Clinical application of Attachment Theory:

Clinical application of Attachment Theory:
The Circle of Security approach
Glen Cooper, Kent Hoffman, Bob Marvin and Bert Powell
The Circle of Security project was born of a collaboration between attachment
research and psychotherapy practice, informed by object relations and family
systems. As the four of us joined forces, we began to bridge the gap between
the worlds of research and clinical practice. These worlds all too often spin in
their own discrete orbits. Initially, we used findings from attachment research
to train our eyes and to increase our understanding of the intricacies of parentchild
interaction. Over time, we began to apply the theory more directly.

We carefully studied videotapes of parent/child interactions and developed
observational skills and knowledge. As we began to recognise and gain an
understanding of specific patterns (such as avoidant and ambivalent
attachments in children, and preoccupied and dismissing states of mind in
caregivers) we enhanced our practice with individuals, couples and families.
These previously unseen patterns, which make up the bulk of care giving
behaviours, are procedural memories. When we act from procedural memories,
it does not feel like something is being remembered, and therefore these
patterns of behaviour often remain unconscious. Having access to the detailed
descriptions which attachment research has developed regarding these
unconscious procedures, we were able to design therapeutic interventions that
address specific interactional strengths and defensive struggles. Similarly,
emerging research findings on disorganised attachment highlight the negative
outcomes of disorganisation and led us to focus our interventions on the
known factors of these fear-based attachments.

Continue reading “Clinical application of Attachment Theory:”