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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Help with Parental Alienation

 


Councelling Skills Diploma – Linda Turner

Counselling can help you cope with:

Parental Alienation
Bereavement
Relationship breakdown
Mental health condition
Depression
Anxiety
Eating disorder
Upsetting physical health condition
Difficult life event
Stress
Difficult emotions
Low self-esteem
Anger

What to expect from counselling
At your appointment, you’ll be encouraged to talk about your feelings and emotions with a trained therapist, who’ll listen and support you without judging or criticising.

The therapist can help you gain a better understanding of your feelings and thought processes, and find your own solutions to problems. But they won’t usually give advice or tell you what to do.

Counselling can take place:

Online through live chat services -whats app or Skype sessions
Face to face
In a group
Over the phone
By email


Qualified Cognitive behavioural therapist (CBT) – Linda Turner

The aim of CBT is to help you explore and change how you think about your life, and free yourself from unhelpful patterns of behaviour.

You set goals with your therapist and may carry out tasks between sessions.

A course usually involves around 12 to 20 sessions.

CBT has been shown to work for a variety of mental health problems, including:

Depression
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Phobias
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Some eating disorders, especially bulimia


Currently studying NLP Practitioner – Linda Turner

In short, an NLP Practitioner is a highly useful and resourceful Coach who uses the methodology of NLP in a professional way to help others.


Reiki Healer – Linda Turner

Fully qualified  Reiki Master – 5 years

Reiki Lineage available

Reiki practitioners use a technique called palm healing or hands-on healing through which a “universal energy” is said to be transferred through the palms of the practitioner to the patient in order to encourage emotional or physical healing.

Reiki Lineage refers to the Reiki Masters that have descended from Dr Mikao Usui. All lineages must be able to trace their roots back to Dr Usui, clearly stating the names of all the Reiki Masters along the way.

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A message from the CEO on the NSPCC response to coronavirus

Hello Linda,


I hope that you and your family are safe and well. Like me, I’m sure you’ll be adjusting to the ever-changing situation. You might be worrying about loved ones, adapting to working from home, and juggling childcare. You might even be delivering essential services to help us all get through this. But whatever you’re facing, you’re not alone – we’re in this together. 

The coronavirus pandemic is unlike anything we’ve ever faced, but I want to reassure you that we’re doing everything we can to keep children safe and support families. With school closures and other changes impacting on children’s lives, we know that some children need us now more than ever.

We’ve had to act fast to adapt our services. Although we don’t know exactly what challenges the coming weeks and months are going to bring, we do know that children and concerned adults will need a trusted place to turn to. That’s why we’ve been focusing our efforts on making sure Childline and our helpline stay up and running. Thanks to the support of people like you, we’ve been able to do that.

We have, of course, stopped our Schools Service for the time being. But we’ve had a wonderful response from school volunteers and staff asking how they can help children in other ways. We’re currently working on redeploying them to answer online messages to Childline, and hope to have this in place in a matter of days.

We’ll be in touch over the coming weeks to let you know how, together, we are supporting children, and to share tips and advice from our experts that may support your family too. We’ve already developed advice for talking to children who are worried about the coronavirus which you can find on our website. In the meantime, thank you again for your ongoing support. With 90 per cent of our income coming from people like you, you really are making a difference as we adapt to helping children in these ever-changing times.

Thank you, and take care,

Peter Wanless
Chief Executive, NSPCC

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Staying at home Projects – Week 1

Revisiting one of my old countdown to Christmas posts which is still relevant in these difficult times trying to amuse your children.

With a possible 4 more weeks to go here in France (or possibly more) I am working my way through the list.

Here are a few suggestions for things you can do alone or with your children from home.

Over the years I have tried many things, Astronomy, Photography, Painting both water colour and oil, walking, music the lists goes on and on. Some of them I loved and met many new friends, some of them where just not for me, but if you don’t try you will never know.

The camera can really be your friend when travelling alone, you don’t feel conspicuous when behind the lens of a camera. Get out in the garden with the camera, put the macro on and zoom in on insects and flowers. You can even get some good shots indoors capturing funny moments!

Astronomy is an alternative way to spend evenings outside, its a great deal more interesting than watching TV, and trawling the internet.

Both oil painting and water colours are things you can do both inside and out. Painting is a great way to completely distract your mind from all those negative thoughts.

Think about it, how proud would your children be, how much enjoyment you would have sharing and teaching your children. You never know you could encouraging the next David Bailey, Picasso or Brian Edward Cox OBE

Astronomy Clubs in the UK

The list of UK astronomy clubs and societies. Find local clubs in your area.

The Royal Photographic Society – Home – RPS

The Royal Photographic Society exists to promote photography and image-making and to support photographers in realizing their potential, irrespective of their level of knowledge, equipment or skills. The Society also acts as a public advocate for photography and photographers. 

Learn to Play an Instrument

Learn to Sew

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

STOP RIGHT NOW – let it go

To all the Parental Alienators and controllers out there

  • How are you going to feel it this deadly virus takes your child?
  • Will all the fighting in courts, lies, deceit and manipulation change anything?
  • Do you really have any control over anything?
  • You don’t even have any control over your own life anymore, its out of your hands now!
  • How are you going to feel if its you in that hospital bed fighting to just breath and stay alive?
  • Will  you be scheming and planning how your going to steal that child from the other parent then?
  • Believe me no amount of money, lawyers or social services will be able to help you.
  • Are you going to think about who’s left to look after your child?
  • Now is the time to focus on what is really important, because its out of your control.
  • If you have read the above and your still hell bent on revenge and having control of your child then its time to look in the mirror.
  • Ask yourself  WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL???

LET IT GO before its too late, it may be the last chance you get!!!!!!!

u-have-no-control

Linda Turner

 

 

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Should you go “no contact” with an abusive parent

parents teach children

However, children of abuse do not always see abuse as awful because they were groomed by the parent to normalize abuse as a child. Children who have been abused a lot often become trauma bonded to an abusive parent, making the separation more painful. The second-guessing of whether you are doing the right thing by disengaging from your parent, becomes another huge hurdle along with the grieving process. All child abuse victims have been taught at a young age to feel guilty for any and all actions that do not meet their parents approval. However, my thought on this is that they have lost their rights to approve or disapprove of what you do, period, if they abuse or condone the abuse of others who have hurt you.

To get a good sense of whether you are a victim of child abuse, see this post.  For general information on what abuse is and who perpetrates abuse, see this post.

Continue reading “Should you go “no contact” with an abusive parent”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

HOW INVALIDATION AND PERSPECTICIDE EFFECTS US

For children, as I have mentioned before, it means their parent taking over the narrative in terms of what the child is experiencing, feeling, thinking, and believing. The child is rendered without a voice.
This means that the child cannot have his needs met by the parent. Depending on how much of it is going on, it can mean child neglect on every level: physical, emotional, psychological, learning, safety, etc.
Some instances:
* “Mom, I’m hungry.” Invalidating answer: “No you’re not. You just had food an hour ago.”
Continued: “That was just a cracker.” Invalidating answer: “I don’t want to hear another word of this.”
* “Mom, I’m being beaten up in school by a gang of boys.” Invalidating answer: “What did you do to deserve it?” or “What did you say to them that made them do that to you.”
* “Mom, grandpa sneaks into my bedroom every night to play doctor with me. I don’t want to play doctor!” – sexual abuse. Invalidating answer: “How dare you say something like that about your own grandfather! He would never do that! Little liar!”
* “Mom, I feel sick.” Invalidating answer: “No, you don’t. You’re faking it.” – typical for scapegoats.
* “Dad, (my brother) is hurting me. He’s always finding an excuse to punch me. My guts are so sore from being punched there.” Invalidating answer: “Boys will be boys! Just slug him back!”
Continued: “But he’s stronger than me. I don’t want to do this any more.” Invalidating answer: “You’re a sissy then. Is that what you’re telling me?”
* “Dad, I’m feeling sad. I don’t want to go that party.” Perspecticide answer: “No, you’re not. You are angry and you are going to go, and that is all there is to it. Put on a happy face.” – teaches a child to be inauthentic if it is done a lot.
If you grew up with a lot of this (weekly or daily basis), no, it is not normal by a long shot. It is definitely a sign of either substance addiction in the parent, or a Cluster B personality disorder.
Rejection and being retaliated against does a lot of damage to a child, and to the relationship between parent and child. The child’s main relationship to the parent will be filtered through the child’s fear: they will not look to their parent for love, care or comfort, for truth, for reasonableness, for safety, for stability and constancy, for acceptance — all the things we associate with a good family. The child will also be seen as not not seeing the parent as an exceptional being (except in the way that the parent gets away with hurting the child over and over again) – so the parent feels insulted by that instead of working towards being a better parent. The main way that the parent is viewed is “Scary, inconsistent, subject to rage at any moment, is out to hurt me and destroy me.”

Continue reading “HOW INVALIDATION AND PERSPECTICIDE EFFECTS US”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A child who sees his parent cheating

A lot of people report that they feel like they are talking to a child when they talk to a narcissist. Might this be a reason why?

Narcissists tend to practice the cycle of abuse more than sociopaths or narcissists who have sociopathic traits. So they tend to come back to their targets after awhile unless they are totally engaged with a new source of supply: “I got you all wrong! What have I done?!” or anything they think of in terms of overtures.

Invalidation and persecticide has everything to do with why narcissists put their own children into toxic roles too, not just other people in their lives, including why they have a favorite child and an unfavorite marginalized child. I will be discussing why further in the post.

  • a child who sees his parent cheating: “You didn’t see that.” “It isn’t what you think it is.” “How dare you accuse me of cheating!” “You are not to tell anyone else of this or you will get it from me! Do you hear what I am saying? As far as you are concerned, this never happened. Do you hear me loud and clear?”

a child lets it leak that his parents are alcoholics, and that they drink in the morning, at lunch and every night too: several martinis, a bottle of wine at dinner, and then chase it down with after-dinner drinks afterwards. He complains that his parents neglect him and his siblings because they focus their lives around drinking: “We aren’t alcoholics! A few drinks every day does not make us alcoholics!” “Who told you that! Who do you think you are, disrespecting your parents and spreading rumors!” “Why are you lying?” “I have nothing to say to you for the position you have put us in! And now CPS is knocking on our door! How dare you spread such lies!”

Besides replacing the truth with a lie (to protect their image or their family’s image), notice how controlling this all sounds too.

Continue reading “A child who sees his parent cheating”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“People pleasing”

Besides the lack of authentic bonding, suspicions are commonplace among members. Members are afraid of each other and each other’s intentions, members show a lot of signs of stress, feeling “unseen” and “unheard”, and these families can graduate into alcoholic families, authoritarian families and crime families.  “People pleasing” is often a major focus and “an either/or” too: you are going to totally please the narcissist or sociopath or you aren’t; you are going to do all that you are told to do or you will be rejected entirely; you are going to become all that the narcissist or sociopath dreamed of in a child (idealized) or you are going to be rejected altogether (scapegoated); you are going to become the ultimate spouse and do what the narcissistic or sociopathic partner tells you to do or to think, or you will be rejected entirely.
Narcissists especially tend to use black and white thinking, “It is all or nothing”, “You agree totally with me or you don’t agree with me at all”, “You are for me or against me”, “I am all good and you are all bad”, “You are always at fault and I am never at fault” (called splitting in psychology terms).
If you do not, you become invisible to them, and they complete the invalidation by rejecting you. This is where the silent treatments come in, the ghosting, the shunning, the ostracizing, the marginalizing, the incredible lack of empathy.

There are exceptions to this, of course, and that is where their paranoia comes in. They actually do not want you to show or to tell anyone that they invalidated you (rejected you) because they have decided what you are feeling, thinking and experiencing, so they have to vilify you with even more lies. Lies pile on top of lies and graduate to smear campaigns:
“(My target) is a liar.”
“(My target) is crazy.” – called gaslighting.
“(My target) has an agenda.”
To you: “I know you better than you know yourself” – common, and a sign of narcissism (and psychopathy).

Continue reading ““People pleasing””

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INVALIDATION AND PERSPECTICIDE IN ABUSIVE FAMILIES

Both perspecticide and emotional and psychological invalidation is considered to be abuse. When parents do it to children, it falls under two umbrellas: child abuse and child neglect.

The problem for children, especially, is that for many abusive parents, they invalidate one child little by little, like chiseling away at the child, until the whole child is invalidated (rejected). I discuss this later in the post.

WHY NARCISSISTS AND SOCIOPATHS INVALIDATE
(and use perspecticide on) FAMILY MEMBERS AND/OR THEIR PARTNER

Continue reading “THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INVALIDATION AND PERSPECTICIDE IN ABUSIVE FAMILIES”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Shannon Thomas has written an important book about something ugly, hidden, and difficult to describe. Psychological abuse. How is it possible that one person can gain so much power to destroy another person’s sense of worth, safety, and sanity? Shannon tells you how, but more importantly, she gives you a roadmap that helps you wake up, break free, heal, and rebuild your shattered life.” Leslie Vernick LCSW, counselor, coach, speaker, and author of The Emotionally Destructive Marriage and The Emotionally Destructive Relationship. Continue reading “Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse”

Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It’s like an addictive drug.

It’s like an addictive drug.

It’s a bit like becoming addicted to a drug. A psychologically abusive relationship is a rollercoaster, with punishment and then intermittent reinforcement of kindness when you “behave.” This means the body is going through its own turmoil, with high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, paired with dopamine when given affection as a reward.

“You have this back and forth, and the body becomes addicted,” Thomas said. “When we’re looking for something that we want, that we once had, which is a connection with somebody, and they are playing cat and mouse where they are pulling it back and forth, then the body really does become dependent on having that approval.”

This hormonal rollercoaster really takes its toll on someone’s body. Victims might find they break out in acne, even though they’ve always had good skin. They might have chest pains. Thomas has said that in her practise she has even seen her clients develop autoimmune disorders. Continue reading “It’s like an addictive drug.”